Safety

That sounds super horrible @Eden1919. I have never experienced that particular fear, but I do know how horrible it is to feel scared. I think I read on one of your posts that your family isn't particularly supportive, is that right? I imagine you must feel very alone with your fears.

@Phoenix_Rising Some of my family tries but i dont tell them much it is hard to explain

i am really scared right now and i dont know what to do. i cant do this anymore i waant to scream

@Eden1919, I can really hear how much you feel you can't do this anymore. You mentioned that you want to scream. When I feel like I want to scream, I do scream. I scream into my pillow. I find that it super helps. Similarly, if I want to cry, I cry.

Sometimes I think we avoid doing things like screaming or crying because we feel we shouldn't do it, or that somehow by letting that emotion out, it will somehow make it bigger. I think that's one of the tricks I've learnt over the years - letting the emotion out in safe ways that do not cause harm to self or others is much better than trying to hold it in. Holding it in kind-of makes it grow and grow like a giant pressure cooker. Furthermore, as an added benefit, I've found that when I let a giant amount of emotion out, I feel utterly exhausted afterwards and that helps me to sleep better.

This is just my experience and I have no idea whether it would be helpful for you. However, if holding it in isn't helping, then perhaps letting it out in a safe and healthy way that doesn't harm self or others might be worth a try. What do you think?

I'm afraid I'm going to have to start getting ready for bed now @Eden1919. I will be thinking of you and hoping that you do find a way to ease the emotional pain you are currently in.

Hi @Eden1919,

I'm concerned about you. I've written you an email, could you please respond?

I feel really really bad everything hurts so much i feel like i am about to cry.

i am really really scared i dont know if i can go to my next psychologist appointment because now i am scared he somehow is working with/for the person who is watching me like what if he is giving them information about me and stuff i am really scared i dont know what to do. plus i cant tell my psychologist why i am not going to show up or he will know that i know and then that would be really bad. ugh this is a mess. should i tell my psychologist or is it too dangerous?

Hi @Eden1919,

your concerns do sound scary, I think i would feel the same if I had those thoughts.

Psychologists actually have a very strict ethical practice code, and it would be totally against the code of ethics/prfessional practice if the psychologist was behaving the way you are concerned about. If the psych was doing that and got busted they would likely be thrown out of the profession, loss their licence, and perhaps be sent to jail.

So you think i should tell him?

also i am really upset about something that happened today.

Hi @Eden1919

I'm around if you need someone to sit with you? Did you want to air what's happening for you today?

How can we best support you?

Pebbles 🙂

yes @Eden1919, we are you for you my friend