Safety

When you are tired @Eden1919 everything is amplified - your feelings , your pain, your negative self-talk, your fears and your paranoia. It is completely understandable at this point in time that you are feeling so defeated but you are not. You are still reaching out (positive), you are still talking (positive) and you are still thinking of the future in terms of how you are going with uni (positive) - all these things say to me that you can get through this and I am still here - sitting beside you and listening. I DO believe in you and I DO think that you have so much to offer - minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day remember...and we have gotten through many, many days over the last week or so by doing this.

Here with you still...

Zoe

today feels worse though like i can feel the end coming it is hard to describe. i just cant take this anymore

I would summise that it is feeling worse for you today because of a few factors - you had a massive fight with your dad which would have taken so much energy out of you both at the time and since - you have been feeling like this for a while now and that becomes very draining on both your body and mind over time - you are really concerned about your uni studies and getting further and further behind - you are having to constantly fight through the fears and paranoia re being watched.

All of these things @Eden1919 can take a very real toll on both your physical and mental ability to cope. ...and you have been coping with all relatively on your own for a long time time. I know that you do not give any weight to calling someone but I would still highly recommend that the SANE helpline chat is a fantastic avenue to talk about what you are going through. I recommend this as you can say all the things that you are not able to say here on an open forum.

In saying that however I want you to know that I am still here and listening buddy

I do need to log off for a little while soon to take Toby to the vet but I will check in on you when I get back.

Please consider the SANE helpline chat - it has been a life saver for me a few times.

Sendu=ing you a huge big hug for now...

Zoe

@Eden1919 I'm back from the vet and wanted to pop in and see how you are doing. I am thinking of you and sending you some extra strength and love to help with your struggles.

Zoe

hey @Zoe7 i am not doing well at all i feel like i am about to start crying again and everything is just a total mess my head is all jumbled and i cant make it all stop i honestly cant keep doing this not like this i cant it is too much i feel everything crashing down on me and one more thing and i think i will collapse for good.

i hope the vet went well.

Hiya @Eden1919 All good with both Toby and Cat. How is Dog and Bunny?

The never ending cycle of of more you try the harder it seems to get is something I have experienced. You think that just one more thing will go wrong and that will be the straw that breaks the camels back - it is draining and a hard mindset to come through. I can tell you I have come through it - many times. That does not mean I may never be there again - infact I am certain that there will come a day that I am there agaain. What I hold on to in these times is the support around me -and this support has nearly solely come from the wonderful people on this forum. I am also lucky enough to have a fabulous GP who has been by my side since the beginning - it makes such a difference to know that there are people by your side even when you feel at your lowest. I am here by your side buddy and I know there are others that are also here. Keep 'fighting', keep getting through each day however you can and lean on us when you need. We are here - listening and keeping you company through this difficult time.

Zoe

Dog and bunny are ok.

i feel really bad i cant take this

Great that Dog and Bunny are ok @Eden1919 - now we just need to work on keeping you safe buddy.

Remember that you have gotten through some really tough days so far and you are still reaching out for support. I do know it is really, really tough but I do also still believe in you. Minute by minute, hour by hour - you got this Eden - I am with you

I am just so so tired and i cant keep this up and i dont know what to do i cant do this it hurts so much

I've said this to you before @Eden1919 and I will repeat it again now - when you are tired everything seems so much worse but you have nbearly got through yet another day and I am so proud of you for fighting and surviving. That is huge buddy. You don't need to know what to do in this minute or the next - you just need to get through it. It does hurt and it does feel unbearable but you are still reaching out and you are still describing how you feel - that takes strength and courage - both of which I know you haveso much of and I do believe in you. Keep going and I will keep walking with you...

Hugs

Zoe