Safety

Would it help to write what is going on in your head @Eden1919 - it doesn't even have to make sense - sometimes just getting it out and being able to step back a little can relieve some of the pressure you are feeling. I am happy to help you out with this - and I will be here for as long as you want me to sit with you

i feel like i need to get out like i need to run from the evil that is inside i feel like i need to find god like i need to fix things and i want the poison out of me i dont feel like me nothing feels right and there is something following me something evil is watches me and laughs at me it doesnt want me around it wants me to join it nd go back to hell with it i feel all over the place up and down and round and round i need to scream everything inside is screaming it hurts and aches. my head doesnt feel like it is mine anymore i feel numb i need to connect again i need to be able to feel everything again i need to be free but it hurts and it drags me down deeper and deeper i cant hold on i am falling.

Writing what is happening inside you at the moment is a really positive step. You may feel like you are falling and being dragged deeper and deeper down but bering able to actually verbalise (or write) what you are feeling is connecting here @Eden1919 - keep writing - I will keep listening and continue to keep you company

i feel like there is something inside me trying to destroy me and then outside feels the same but different it is hard to explain everything it so jumbled and messy i cant take this.

Does it fel like the inside and outside are pulling in two different directions and you are being stretched in between both with no control over either? @Eden1919

I actually get how that feels @Eden1919 It is like no matter what you do there is no relief from the hurt within and the pain on the outside. The 'world' has expectations that we cannot possibly reach when we are feeling so low and the only way to shut those out is to not be part of it. This is a really dark and horrible place to be in - and I have been there many times before. It doesn't actually get any easier per se - it just gets a bit easier to deal with. Knowing when these feelings are getting out of control and sometimes not gighting them so much actually relieves some of the pressure. Sometimes I will sit for hours staring into space - but that is better than actually feeling what is going through my head - in essence I 'shut down'. This way I don't feel the intensity of the emotional turmoil going on inside me all the time.

What are some of your favourite things to do on days that you are feeling ok?

What kind of dog do you have - I want details @Eden1919 I have a little white fluffball called Toby. He is pretty well known around the forum. I also have a cat that we just call Cat on here - her name is unusual and would be recognised. And tell me about your rabbit - colour etc. I love animals - so details please