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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello @Shaz51 you sure do fly around Forum Land quickly. You seem to be all over Forum Land all at once. Methinks you fly faster than NikNik does in her nutella jar!!!

@Former-Member you sound super snuggled in your snuggle gown in the nest. I hope you are able to find a good GP. I am amazed at the difference a good GP can make. It only took me 39 years to find one!!!

@CheerBear I am super mad at the whole world for causing you so much grief. You have definitely done your fair share of shit and it isn't fair that you have to deal with housing issues now. I hate that you are having to deal with this.

I totally know that you can do this even though you super badly don't want to. It's ok to not want to do it...cos right now, tonight, you don't HAVE to do it. All you have to do is stay snuggled in your nest...and I'm guessing probably feed some LF at some point in the evening. I don't know heaps about LF but my understanding is they require feeding a few times a day. That's all you have to do tonight - LF stuff and nesting. Housing muddle isn't tonight's muddle.

I hate that you are sinking. Is there something in your plan about what to do in the event of sinking??? It sounds like one of the positives of the break place was that you connected with some safe helping people, is that right? Is there any plan to contact a safe helping person at any signs of sinking?

I guess the cool thing about having a turtle for a not-friend is that I'm ok to sink with you. We can sink all the way to the bottom of the ocean...and that will be ok because once we are at the bottom, we can rest there awhile knowing that at some point the current will change direction and we will be able to ride it back up to the surface. We can sit at the bottom of the ocean and snuggled in a nest and be still and quiet together...while apart.

I know how much it totally and utterly and superly duperly sucks to feel like you have rolled all the way down to the bottom of a mountain again, after taking a few steps up it. It's horrible and it shouldn't happen. It's not fair and it fuels feelings of hopelessness. I super wish I could fix this muddle for you. But I know I can't, and I know you know I can't, so I guess I'll just sit with you in the nest.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Love it @Phoenix_Rising 💕 👍 😙🐢

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's a great snuggle gown @Phoenix_Rising @CheerBear 💟💗
I briefly fell asleep on the couch, something I very rarely can do. Mind you, I've been having emergency anti anxiety meds lately. They make me feel so sleepy. I'd rather not take them, but life's too hard sometimes.

Yes, a good gp is hard to find. New/different one's are reluctant to give out certain meds too. 😮😣😨😕

Glad to have company and not feel so alone. 💜🐻🐢

You do fly around quick in forumland @Shaz51 ✈💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Shaz51 hi 🙂 hope you're well today/tonight 💛

@Former-Member - hugs and more to you. I hope you'll be able to sleep after falling asleep on the lounge. Thank you for your company in the nest 💗🐛🐝😘

@Phoenix_Rising - thank you for being you. So so so much. I will pull out the plan tomorrow and tell my mh worker what's going on in my head. It will be the 'ring the bell early' step of the plan. I've closed the scary tabs with the housing applications and brain hurty initial intake forms. I don't need to do them tonight or tomorrow. I don't need to really do anything until next week I think. I'll try really hard not to do anything I don't need to do, especially when there is really nothing I can do. That will help a lot.

Thank you all for sitting in the nest, even when it's shaky or sinking.

@Former-Member - I'm wondering how you are (with no pressure here to reply to this). I made this for you, thinking that if you're in a hole you might like some fairies in a jar to keep you company. Or a ladder and torch in case you're having trouble finding yours. With some pillows to land on when you're back out of it. And saying this all with the hope for you that you're busy in the maldives or off doing something nice, and not in a hole. Thinking of you.

Going to peel myself off the floor, wash the dishes and head to bed hoping for easy sleep tonight.

Sleep well nesters

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nighty night @CheerBear and everyone 😙💜💟💗😴

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou nesters.
feels nice to be tucked up with people who get the struggle but still care.

a HUGE THANKYOU!!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@mudsum 💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hiding here again, at least for the morning.
Snuggling, because I don't want to face the world. Are you here too @CheerBear? 💕
I might try and get some more sleep😴


Hi @mudsum 💜
Nice to meet you
I hope you are enjoying snuggling too.

Hi all nesters 💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Totally here @Former-Member, sitting next to you with a cup of tea, quietly planning my next mega project because I like the idea of working on my own away from the outside world at the moment too.

Hope you get some peaceful rest today 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @CheerBear @Former-Member ...I have added some lights to our path CB ...and hopefully a little light for both of you today...

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