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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh wow @Former-Member. Thank you for sharing that. I have a tear in my eye. You were/are on my hit list today too. I have like an 'earls list' going of people I want to catch up with. I've followed some of your stuff too and know youre on a roller coaster but I haven't been in a headspace to respond. Coming your way too when I finally get out of my towel (I'm sitting here procrastinating getting dressed cos that seems huge just now:face_with_rolling_eyes:) and do a few jobs (like having a drink and taking meds and washing some clothes). Thank you again 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member - thanks so much for sharing how you're going. I think your DBT adventure was very very brave. I really hope that it helps you in the longer term. Feeling safe is so important so it's good to hear you got that the other day. I know how hard it is to have emotions jumping in and flipping out (it's another of my tricks too), so I hope that also with time you're able to manage things better so it's easier for you. I do genuinely think that you going along is brave. Even with things progressing for me, there is no way I am in a place where I could try something like that, or really any kind of group work anything.

Go you with the car lessons too! So glad to hear you, your son and other people on the road survived that adventure too! Your little comments like that one often make me giggle 😃

I love your perspective on hugs here too. I'm a super awkward if it isn't totally 100% right, kind of hugger outside of here. Here I will definitely take and appreciate them, and I give them out if I get a sense that maybe the other person is also a forum hugger. Hope you have a great weekend too 💗

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, @Former-Member, @oceangirl, @Former-Member, @mudsum, @Faith-and-Hope - and anyone else who may be reading along.

I'm hiding out in a cinema at the moment. I have two LF and one big adult person watching a movie (I have already seen it) so it's a quiet sit and crochet just outside the cinema door trip for me. This is my favourite way to watch kids movies at the cinemas 😂. One fish is off on a super special adventure so it's our sneaky treat for the day to make up for it for the others. So quiet and so peaceful where I am now.

@Phoenix_Rising - just a hi to say hi. That's all 😊

Hope the weekend is going ok for you all

🤓👋 ⬅ (me with my new eyes saying hi )

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

What are you crocheting atm @CheerBear?
I just downloaded some new knitting patterns on ravelry (I love that they have free patterns!) and I've found a dragonfly softie pattern and my mum bought me some new sparkly purple wool. So I plan to start knitting that this weekend. Have you posted any of your projects on here? I'd love to see them!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sparkly wool, ravelry, dragonfly softie - these words that speak to my soul @Former-Member! I would love to see and hear about your knitting adventures. I can't knit (I'm way too uncoordinated for two sticks, but have been crocheting for a little while (youtube self taught though).

At the moment I am working on a big mandala blanket. It's been six-ish months in the making and I'm so close to finishing now (which is why I have probably gone on and on about it here lately). I put up a photo of a part of it on the coffee thread yesterday so I'll tag you over there if you'd like. I'm going to post a picture of the finished project once I'm done.

I would love to have somewhere to keep up with anything you and anyone else is making/has made if you'd like to share. I tried to kick off a crafty thread a while ago but it didn't really take.

Hope you enjoy your knitting! So much yay 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

and what movie is it @CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member I'm glad the DBT group went well, albeit challenging. I'm super glad you feel safe there.

I have a vague memory that @CheerBear asked me the other day if I've ever done DBT. I guess it depends on how you define "done". I own both the treatment manual and the skills training manual and this is why I know the theoretical framework of DBT and the skills so super well. But no, I have never actually been part of a DBT group. For me, I can't see any value in sitting in a group and being "taught" the exact thing that is written in the book I've read a bazillion times. My favourite part of the skills manual is the "interpersonal effectiveness" skills bit. I always refer back to it if I have to deal with a scary social situation. So...I USE the DBT skills a lot...but I've never "done" a DBT skills training group.

@Former-Member I can totally relate to what you said about never actually doing therapy in therapy because you are always dealing with a crisis. I've been with one therapist or another for twenty years...and yet don't seem to have ever "done" therapy. I so very VERY badly wish I could find the right match. I definitely know I could have "done therapy" with the uni counsellor if she had been in a position to work with me in that way. If ONLY I could find someone else like her...

@Former-Member and @CheerBear That was really interesting what you wrote about hugs. I've been thinking about posting a question re. whether all the "huggy" people on the forum are actually like that in real life. I have to admit, I find the whole concept odd...but I respect that it seems to work for a lot of people. For me, I experience the same physiological effect when someone virtually hugs me, as I would in real life. That is, if it is a safe person, I get the oxytocin fix, and if it is an uncomfortable, unsolicited hug, I get the icky feeling and want to wriggle away. Thus I give and receive virtual hugs in exactly the same way as I would in real life.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It was boss baby @mudsum 🙂 I thought it was ok enough the first time. The kids loved it though. How was your day?

@Phoenix_Rising - I can really understand what you mean by seeing no value in being "taught" things you already know, especially when the way things are taught can be very difficult sometimes. This is a big part of why I can be labeled a 'difficult' client - often I feel as if I know better than many of the helping people, being that I know me better than anyone else. That doesn't seem to go down well with some helping people though - funny that?! 😉 I am not surprised by your answer and that you've found understanding and reading the skills manual and other resources useful.

It ended up being a very busy day here today. We've had people come to visit and I've felt more able to socialise and be around these people today than I have for a long time. That feels really good and I'm calling it another little win 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's a BIG win @CheerBear. 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Agreed ..... ❣️

@CheerBear @Phoenix_Rising

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope and @Phoenix_Rising 🙂
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