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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've read how PTSD can change our brain, amazing really. 😮
We can re wire it, but it does take time.
Having constant life stressors doesn't help, does it?
I borrowed a heap of books from the library re ptsd, anxiety etc, but I think I'm ready to read another one. I was a bit info over loaded at one stage. 😮😂

I saw the photo of your blanket on the coffee thread, looks lovely. You're doing a great job.
Please don't hesitate going to the dentist if you feel that your gums/mouth aren't healing.
It could be a "dry socket" that might need anti biotics. I hope not. If pain doesn't ease, might be best to have it looked at.
A nuisance, I know. But gum/mouth pain can feel unbearable.
That's good that the dental hospital is open on the weekend.

Good you have your crocheting to keep you busy. 😊💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear
I forgot to tag. 😀
Please don't feel you have to reply straight away.

I'm raving on here. 😂

I'm heading in the shower soon, it's coming close to school pick up time. 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Raving on in the nest is one of my best tricks @Former-Member 😆

I don't think it's dry socket as the pain is different. I am thinking it's an infection though, thanks to some pretty fun grossness 😵 I should have gone in today and will have to sit with that one now I think. Trying some home remedies at the moment which I hope will work, but I can see myself taking a trip to at least a dr this weekend, if not the big dentist. Oops and my bad.

As for the brain mess, yep it can be rewired. And big time yes to constant stressors making recovery harder. The main 'triggers' my worker and I identified in causing the big crash I had were 'unexpected major stressors' and 'cumulative stressors'. It's not possible for me to remove or prevent stress like this, particularly when I have issues like I do with the house and c-link, but trying to reduce the level of stress I am under and learning/refining skills and strategies to manage them, is what I can do. It sounds like you're doing something similar too.

We'll get there @Former-Member 💗💪

Off to pick up, like I think you are too. Hope your night is good for you 🐝🤗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Glad it's not a dry socket @CheerBear 💟👍
"Ouchy". 😣😨
Might be easier to get an anti biotic from the GP, if you need one. Hopefully it will clear up overnight though.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

when having friends is too hard becuase my mental games trick... exhausted from playing the games.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @mudsum ..... pleased to meet you .....

Sending you a cyber-hug ...... 🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @mudsum, @CheerBear, @Former-Member, @Phoenix_Rising and any other nesters 👋

This is my overdue response, sorry I've been preoccupied (otherwise known as flailing around in crisis trying to work out how to breathe again) but I'm ok this morning. I seem to be making a habit of it even more lately.

DBT was ok and really not ok for me. It bought up strange emotions and something fairly minor happened that I turned into something huge and worth SHing over but managed not to with lots of support. Such is my brain that is wired to take a small step and make it look like roof jumping :face_with_rolling_eyes:😳. My emotions jump in and are in complete control before my brain has a chance to backtrack and I flip out. One of the things that happened is I forgot what it's like to sit in a room of people with BPD (which by the way is really cool but I take on everyone's stuff and add it to my existing emotions so it's going to be a long few months). Secondly I think I've had my head in the sand again with some of my BPD traits and so when brainstorming them in group I realised I had nowhere to hide and had to accept that I really do have them and putting my head in the sand about it is not helping me. So I have survived and will go again ( it never was an option to drop out). Homework was to try a different mindfulness activity each day and record how i went and describe my experience with it. It was a lovely group of women and I felt really safe in the group, the facilitators were really good too.

It's bought a huge smile to my dial to see the progression of your rug @CheerBear. And a downward facing smile reading about your tooth ☹️.

Sorry you're still struggling @Former-Member too ☹️ but lovely to see you here 😊. I hope you get some warmth and sunshine today.

@Phoenix_Rising I've been following you along too. Im so sorry that the whole psychologist thing is causing so much distress. I totally understand you needing support from someone who understands you but also someone who can meet your needs too. I am very much in that battle with finding a psychiatrist. Much of my breakdown over the past fortnight is still over a really bad appointment with my psychiatrist who I am now petrified of seeing in a fortnight. However I am grateful to have my therapist who meets majority of my needs and she totally gets me. My biggest problem is I arrive often in crisis mode and rarely get to do therapy as we are managing distress 😔:face_with_rolling_eyes:.

@mudsum I'm sorry you are experiencing difficulties with friends. I also read your post on the other thread. I can only imagine how difficult that is let alone how completely frustrating it must be for you. I'm hoping you are feeling calmer today about that.

Apart from that this week has been teaching my youngest to drive a manual car. He is doing ok but my car is really hard to drive so it's really hard for him, the good news once he gets it in my car he'll be able to drive any car. We've had four lessons together. Last night I threw him in the deep end and he did really well. He had never got above second gear but he drove home 30 km in the dark, peak hour traffic, through the hills with kangaroos around doing 90km an hour.......and we both lived 😄 and so did everyone else on the roads and no animals were sacrificed in the process. I did have all fingers and toes crossed. He has to learn quickly now as he needs to for work. We have to get his hours up and him driving ready for his test in under 3 months 😱. It's something I've been so anxious over but now it's started I'm feeling a bit more confident. Luckily I think he'll be a good driver. He's doing it pretty naturally. phewwwww

i hope you all have a lovely long weekend. Crossing my fingers your tooth gets better @CheerBear,

hugs to those who want them.............which reminds me. I wanted to share my virtual hugs 🤗 story. I'm not a huggy person in real life....I'm the uncomfortable awkward hugger. It never feels natural. When I started in the forum I received lots of virtual hugs and it freaked me out a bit at first. Over time I started to actually feel kind of nice having a virtual hug and you can attach whatever emotions you want as no one sees your reaction. Long story short, there were times it really helped to have one so I adopted it for others too knowing that you can roll your eyes at them or secretly enjoy them and I'll never know. I choose to do it on the off chance it makes you feel better and hope it doesn't make anyone feel worse. I've actually now been known to ask for a virtual hug when feeling really alone 😊.

on that note 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member

Just wanted to say hi I just came from the beach with Kira. Hope you are moving forward.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @oceangirl 👋

I am going to post to you and some others after I've done a few things. I promise I haven't forgotten you. I've just been struggling to post much. I was hoping to catch up this weekend though as I'm hoping I'll be ok. I'm glad you've been to the beach with Kira 😊. I'll post on your thread after. 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hiya @Former-Member and @oceangirl,
Hope you are both well.
Just thought I'd say hi and send my love and support.
@Former-Member, I know you're struggling and I hope things get easier soon and I don't know if I've told you, but when I was feeling really, really crappy recently (I've just been released from the crisis team) I would pop onto Diprotodon's thread and look at all the pictures you posted - never failed to make me feel loved, supported and just better. Just wanted to let you know that the nice things you do have big ripple effects for other people.
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