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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm thinking things aren't so good @CheerBear. I've read a few posts of yours to know that. I'm hoping you sleep tonight and things go better tomorrow

💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's been a bit of a wonky afternoon and evening @Former-Member. I'm short tempered and think it's a lack of sleep coupled with sore tooth, a fun bout of hormones and some cabin fevered fish. I found reading a challenge tonight (am guessing that's one of the posts you've seen) and had already spent a lot of time reflecting on the last months as I wound up that project (which l do look at with a much kinder view of myself these days so it's a mostly nice kind of reflection thing). It's probably all just added things on to things on to things and as a result I am feeling a bit jumbled and blegh. I'm ok though and it's nothing too big or intense for me to handle. I think I just need to sit with it for a while, then watch too many episodes of something, then sleep.

Thank you for coming past teej, and for your beautiful flowers. You are super intuitive and I appreciate that a lot. I read you had a pretty good day today, and that made me smile.

💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It does sound like there's lots going on @CheerBear. Be kind and gentle on you and batten down the hatches until some of those things change which they will soon enough but it doesn't make any of it easy when your in the thick of it.

I think that it would be nice for you to find a new project, maybe not a mega project though, to work through the next part of your journey (sorry, really sucky, corny phrase but beyond me just now to think of a better one). I admire very much that youve had this very productive and creative thing that you've been able to turn to to help self soothe and distract.

Ive had a pretty good couple of days and I think I'm beginning to understand why, just not sure how to change it come Tuesday when I know it will all start for me again.

I hope you sleep well soon, not long until LF are back at school and you get you time back. It's always hard being in the middle of it when they've got cabin fever. Oh I remember those times 😦

take care @CheerBear 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning nesters

@Former-Member - I definitely think I need a new project too. I feel a little lost already without it, but I'm absolutely certain I can find something out there in the wonderful world of pinterest to keep me busy! I love corny phrases (when they're said from the right people, which are pretty much anyone except big white ships trying to tell me 'everything happens for a reason'). I've been writing my story because I do want to share it, and I'm using my blanket to guide me. My story is chockers full of corny phrases. I haven't put up a photo of the full blanket yet so I'll use it in the story. I'm really looking forward to posting it, even if no-one reads it, because it means something to me to have written it and be able to share it.

Is DBT a Tuesday thing? Understanding why you've been having a good couple of days is so important, even if you think it will change, because knowing what it is that's good means you can try to build on it and hold that thought during the not-so-good.

I have a meeting re the house tomorrow. I am expecting not-so-good too, so I'll try to remember what I said above 😉

On the cards for me today is a pile of washing and a supermarket trip. Happy days 😕. But it feels good once it's done. I also want to take some photos of this epic thing because the daylight photos are much nicer than ones under the flouro downlights at night. I slept well and quickly last night which has lifted my mood a bit today so I'm off to a decent start at least.

Hope it's a good one for everyone

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

hoping into mynest stacked up pillows on my bed with tissues and blankets and pen and paper. oh wherer would i be without my journal.
i have spent time with the little fishes so i now have permision to have time to myself. they know that i mean business.
hate letting them see my needing to go to the nest.
xxxxxxxxx love to you all reading

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I know how tough it can feel to need to take myself off to time out when little fish are around @mudsum. I try really hard to think of it as showing my fish that it's really important to be able to care for myself, and hope that teaches them the lesson of valuing self care too. It doesn't always help to think like that though, and sometimes it just sucks.

Snuggle cosily in your nest and I hope it helps. Lots of us have great listening eyes if you ever want to talk about what's going on. Lots of us also know that sometimes talking doesn't help, and just being able to know someone is there is enough too.

💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

i like what @Phoenix_Rising said.
having friends equals drama.

I'm just finding it really hard. am in the middle of crisis with my close friend. and it hurts like hell.

i just know that mental health on my part doesn't help one tiny bit.
there are times i just want to run and hide where my friend doesn't want to.
DID, depression, anxiety can leave you feeling so lonely.
i am not alone but it can feel like that.

and working through processing sexual abuse, domestic violence is just ruining my head at the moment.

it can feel like a flood crashing down on every normal part of life which i thought i had.
I took some time to journal today and value and appreciate the parts that have gotten me through. Parts that have held every thought so that i ddin't need to have it.
But it hurts hearing what happened to me. learning that i was made to touch things a child should never touch. made to know things that they should never know. let alone being controlled time and time again.

sorry maybe i've shared to much but after being silent for soo long my words are coming.
thanks

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear
thankyou and how are you?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@mudsum it is good to hear you be able to get some of that out, though I am so sorry to hear what you've lived through. It's exhausting trying to swim through those floods.

I get how tough that stuff can be, but can only imagine how hard DID may make it sometimes. I think it's awesome that you can appreciate the parts that have gotten you through, especially during hard times like today.

Right now I am on my lounge with my furry snuggle friend and looking at a clean house (pretending not to notice the washing I didn't fold today), a pretty vase of flowers, and I am feeling warm and cosy, so I am good thanks. I'm searching for a new project now because I feel a little lost without one. Which means I am pinteresting, and pinterest is one of my favourite places to hang out in 😊

Hope you sleep well tonight @mudsum

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Another night of sleep being tricky to find. I think it's lingering stuff from the big hit of panic early last week, and stress about the meeting today. I'm a bit worried about the trigger of "unexpected stress" and the sleep disturbances in the "early warning sign" sections of my relapse prevention plan, that seem to be hapening. It's that cycle where worry leads to more worry though, so I can feel already the fight that I have to find to not go there again. Today may be ok or it may not be, but if I get a bit of a better idea of what next, that will be a good outcome.

I started my new project today. Something still with some level of challenge and something that will take me a little while, but something that is nowhere near the level of the mandala. I'm doing a 'stash busting' afghan which will cull some of the balls of yarn I have collected more than I need of. That's always a good thing, as it clears room to collect more 😉

@Former-Member - good luck with whatever it is that you're doing today that may be a bit tricky.

@Phoenix_Rising - hope today is better with A.

@mudsum - thinking of you too

💗
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