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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

They offered to support me with my team at home for a while. They asked specifics about this somethings I have and they said they were concerned but ok to work with my team around it but i don't know about that. So i asked about how 'voluntary' this really was and they said if I say I have intent they will seek to get an assessment order. I didn't say I have intent. I have to remember that. I think I'm just scared and I think it will pass. I just have to sit a bit so I can get home safely now

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've had my appointment. It was ok @Pepsimax. I'm hoping @CheerBear is too.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Well done @CheerBear. Remember the hard part is over. It sounds like you just sat a test and scored 90% on it even if you don't feel that way now. Now it's time to breathe and let go of as much as you can. I'm sitting in my car still from my appointment. I always need to before I can go home too. Can you hear birds around you or planes or anything. I have lots of birds chirping here.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have chewed an entire packet of pineapple lumps after walking around the supermarket for no reason other than because it's where my legs took me @Former-Member. I need to sit very still now. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to feel like I go from 0-100 at the tiniest flick. I don't want people looking at me. I shouldn't have said anything I should have just stayed quiet.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear what is done is done for now. Please don't beat yourself up over it. I haven't tried munching after my appointments. I'm with you in the 0-100 at the tiniest flick. Welcome to my world 😱. But you are safe now and it just starts again, step by step piecing your world together. And I know that's not a silver lining but it's a kind of start again for now. Sitting in my car trying to work out what comes next too. You can do this @CheerBear. It sucks and it's unfair but you can go forward from here. Minute by bloody minute. We've all got your back for falls in between. So literally sitting here with you in my car far away but here for you.
Sending lots of calming and comforting hugs. 💜🤗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

PS I think we could definitely do a trade with energy right now. I've got some flattening for you if pass some form of life energy my way 😜😉

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Are you ok @Former-Member? How long will you sit for?

Chewing pineapple lumps was a very good idea at the time but now I feel a bit sick. Maybe next time I won't eat a whole bag of them I'll try to just eat a few. I can't do this is this is what happens. I haven't had this kind of thing as badly as I do at the moment because I only speak to people I know now usually.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member @CheerBear I know you both having a tough time atm I am here for you today

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've been known to sit in my car for 7 hours after my appointments here @CheerBear. I've also had the SANE cavalry get me home many a time. This time I'm not too bad. 3rd appointment with my psychiatrist and she's ok. I was pretty honest with her for the first time. I told her of my SI but she was good and even prescribed me something after asking if I'd intended to SH on it. I said no but I meant it too. I feel like she's wary but not going to jump at small stuff or over react. It's what you need right now. Someones shoulders big enough to help you work through stuff without all the drama.

Perhaps next time your sugar rush will come from half a packet. 😊 I think we are all still hyped since Friday feast 😄.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Want to know the worst bit @CheerBear. I'm busting to go to the toilet but that all seems too hard right now and I'm afraid I'll pee my pants if I get out the car to find a toilet. Just broadcasting this to the world really 🤔😳. Welcome to my world of dysfunction after appointments :face_with_rolling_eyes:
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