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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

7 hours 😮 That's pretty massive! I'm home now. I do the energizer bunny thing. My chest hurts a lot and I think maybe I might have been somewhat panicked maybe (lol). I can't shake the feeling that I've again walked into a trap disguised as 'help' though. Everywhere I look I see this kind of 'help' and it's so hard to know how much of the bad stuff I see is real (because so much of it really is bad) and how much of it looks real because my brain is broken.

I feel a bit sick. I can't believe I ate that whole packet 😂 At least that's feeling kind of funny now.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member lol but not. And semi laughing at the whole world of dysfunction post appt. It shouldn't be this bad 😞 Here's us, one mowing down a packet of pineapple lumps and almost running around the aisles at the supermarket trying to find something but not knowing what it is, and one frozen, stuck in a car and unable to move to get to a toilet. I wonder how many more of us there are out there? It's not ok that it's like this.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Ok, time to get my hat on. Hope you get up soon so you can pee @Former-Member. And that you make it home safely. Thank you for helping me feel more normal. I'll be totally ok in approximately 15 minutes and if it would help to have some company in your car (or at home) please shout out 💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I do know what you mean about the help dressed up. That's how I've felt until now. And I always thought what I said would be held against me. Almost like in a court of law so I played their game and said what I thought they wanted to hear......until now. Seriously after the first appointment with this psych I knew she was different. The experience stands out a mile. But as predicted next appointment is 6 weeks but for an hour. She wanted four weeks but was booked up. So I guess go with your gut @CheerBear. But again make sure you are safe in the meantime. I know it's not going away easy for you either like it's not for me. What have they offered you for now?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

No worries @CheerBear. Catch ya later. All the best and I'm glad you survived. 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Former-Member. Definitely glad you survived too, even if it's tricky right now 💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Ive been busy with podcasts and reading, and note-taking today. Monday is my big study day cos the new week stuff comes out and I like to get it structured. ( @Phoenix_Rising yes I really like my study both routine and structured ) Anyhow, not what prompted this post 😛

I'm catching up on posts and I hit this one from Phoenix

"I've never heard of the rainbow walk either. I'm definitely going to put that idea in my toolkit."

I have no idea why but my brain kept seeing toolkit as toilet and I was sitting there re-reading over and over trying to make sense of why on earth Phoenix was putting the rainbow walk in her toilet. But wanting to honour her as the person she is, I kept trying to twist my head into what she might be meaning and why. Needless to say it wasn't working. Then I finally realised it was toolkit and with relief the world righted itself.

think I may have fuzzy brain syndrome at the moment.

Just posting it in to maybe get a smile from any of you and also showing I really am honouring you all as the people you are. Even if it's sending me to the toilet instead of the toolkit.

@Former-Member and @CheerBear too

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

😂 @Spookytookims . Banana brain from study - I remember that one too! Was it interesting topic/s today?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Chuckling out loud in a coffee shop @Spookytookims. Still on my way home but found a toilet.....not tool kit because I would have completely missed the tool kit and got it messy 😘

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Ok think Ive caught up and plse keep in mind possible fuzzy brain syndrome so may have misinterpreted anything, something... but this is what I've gleaned.

@Phoenix_Rising Has written a post somewhere that I've missed regarding a psych ward experience she had. Now Im very disappointed I missed this because I wanted to see if it helped me make sense of mine. I still find mine, from the moment the cops dragged me to the moment I re-associated with the world, probably the most traumatic day/time of my life. The whole thing was bizarre made worse by professionals who overlooked ome extremely important basics.

@CheerBear So you ate a packet of pineapplelumps. I am not surprised you're sick... I get sick on one of those! So I can just see you, in fast forward mode on a manic mission of search for that elusive item hidden somewhere in those aisles. But it does sound like you have something worked out with the help, right? Despite certain reservations and possibly well founded scepticism?

@Former-Member Not sure how your appointment went, but getting the feeling it to was more positive than otherwise? 7 hours in the car, that's a heck of a long sit. 3 or 4 is long, but 7 wow you must have had alot to process that day and it must have hit very deep and very hard. Just goes to show what you are dealing with, my feels to you are total respect .

Hope the two of you are a little calmer and things are looking a tad more grounded. Nothing worse than feeling that sense of dysmorphic stability, it just compounds everything.

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