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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member and @Shaz51. I'm ok - thanks for checking in 🙂 . I've had a massive but good day. I'm tired tonight and maybe overdid it a bit but I'm really proud of what I have done today.

Today I had a GP appt and sorted my meds a bit more. I'm tapering right off the second one and only have a week until I've finished with it now which is exciting. I booked a scary test with a women's health nurse while I was there too. She's been recommended by a SA service and I was feeling brave and kind of inspired by a forum friend. I then had a counselling appt which was the right amount of hard and helpful. I love my counsellor and am so thankful she's on my team. I did the groceries and feeling inspired to keep up the healthy eating I made zucchini fritters with mushrooms on top tonight - so yum! I've been meaning to get my eyes checked for ages as my glasses aren't working so well anymore so I called passed the optometrist to book a way overdue eye-test. They got me in to an appt an hour after I went so I had my eyes tested which have gotten so much worse. New glasses now coming next week which will mean I will be able to see way better soon. Seeing as seeing is kind of important I call that a win 😉 Then the arvo/evening with the LF and all their stuff. I'm so ready for bed now.

Teej - I have a reply here to your post that I wrote this afternoom but I don't think I'll post it tonight. It pretty much says how much I think I can get what you say, without really knowing too much about your story. I really like you Teej and I really hope you have better days ahead. I wanted to let you know I discarded my plan last night as I planned to do. Deciding it was a pretty healthy thing to do, I thought I could treat myself to unhealthy deliciousness (icecream with tiny teddies and chocolate syrup) as a little celebration. I felt better knowing I had that out and now feel better knowing it's gone. I'll be here for you if it's helpful, with understanding ears (eyes) x

Shaz - I hope you're on the mend and feeling a bit better today 🙂

@Kurra - thank you to you too for your post last night. I can imagine you'd be an amazingly understanding and supportive worker who makes a difference to many. Big hugs to you.

I'm so looking forward to a chill out day tomorrow and have nothing planned except some crochet time on a bean bag! Hope tonight is good for you all 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Wow, soo proud of you @CheerBear my awesome friend xx

I'm so looking forward to a chill out day tomorrow --- this is a good idea after today

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I saved this for you ages ago as I thought you might like some of the colours in it (not 100% sure). I have a serious image problem as I had to go back 26 pages in my images to find it 😁. That's a really awesome achievement that you discarded your plan. It's H-U-G-E and made my day 😊 Thanks for your response. I think I'd just like to hang with your good news for a bit. It deserves to stand alone! Just wow. Here celebrating with you 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Shaz51 🙂 i just read that you're back to the dr tomorrow as you're still pretty unwell 😞 Sorry to hear. Wish I could bring you over some soup x

And @Former-Member - thank you! I love those colours 🙂 Haha re your image problem. It kind of works alongside my pinterest problem 😛 Thanks for being someone who really has stuck with me. So much love for this forum and the people part of it 💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

And thank you for supporting and helping me @CheerBear. 💜 Just quietly I was so peeved when you left and really happy to have you back 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Thinking of you and keeping your rainbow path clean and shiny my nest neighbour

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

thank you for supporting and helping me @CheerBear, hope you have a good day today my friend xx

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi anyone reading,

I'm after some advice if anyone may have a moment to spare please?

As lots of you know, when life went bam I had to leave behind pretty much everyone except close family and a couple of very close friends. I disappeared. About 2 months after I vanished I sent a message to a couple of friends who weren't super close but close enough that I knew they'd be concerned. I let them know that I wouldn't be able to see them again but was safe etc. I told them how hard and painful it was to say goodbye to everyone but it was what had to be done. They have no idea where I am and I haven't spoken to them since.

I'm getting messages from one though. I know their heart is in the right place and they're not meaning any harm through the messages but it's hellishly hard to get these messages and they appear out of the blue. There aren't many but it seems they're coming more often now. It's things like letting me know fun things that are happening and that we're missed while they're on. To me it hits me smack bang in my heart and it hurts so SO badly. I've gotten messages like 'can you believe it was two years ago that...' and although they're nice memories, they're from a time I am missing terribly, and a time/place/people I can't ever get back. It does nothing good to me at all.

I haven't replied to any messages at all because I don't want to hurt this person. But I really really need it to stop. It's caused some pretty intense 'nooooo, please no, not this now' kind of feelings. I'm determined that I am moving forwards from here so I can't afford to be pulled back into the life that was.

Any ideas?

Thanks anyone

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

What kind of messages are they @CheerBear - text, facebook, messenger etc. - all of these have a blocking function where you can isolate the number so you don't receive any further messages - this way even if they continue to send them you will not know.

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