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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Zoe7 - that gave me a smile thank you. Bright, sparkles and rainbows - they're some of my favourite
things.

Just like the crochet, colours and flowers from @Former-Member

Guess what colour the bed cover is? Lime green. It's gotta be a good sign 🙂

💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear How cool is that - lime green - your favourite Now all you need is some mango and lemon gelato to add to the colours lol Thinking of you

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Today in the adventures of Little Squishy and Tiny Turtle:

After spending some time on the rock we were called in to meet with the big white ships. Panic set in so TT snuggled deep in my pocket so I didn't feel so scared. It was a really good meeting, especially as it began with 'we don't want you to have to repeat your story anymore'. I was able to speak fairly openly about what's been going through my head. It helps to know think there are big white ships who get the story a little more now too. I did say there's no magic pill to fix what's happened, and they agreed so the focus will be less on meds and more on the work I'm doing/planning on doing with the others in the team.

We're on a bit of a health kick here, and one of the things I am trying really hard to do is get into the habit of healthy eating again, as I think no food except the occasional packet of pineapple lumps during freak outs and midnight muffins with ice-cream doesn't really count as food. So today we sat in the sunshine creating new friend (who will be joining us later this evening) and ate a banana because it's healthy, even though I really don't like them. We found an apple that's the size of a big cherry tomato which had 'Andy' as it's name on the sticker and was almost too cute to eat. But we did and it was delicious. Caffeine after early afternoon is a no go here, which means there's a never ending supply of milo 🙂 (and a shocking headache!)

We also went to art therapy, although I think 'art' is a bit of a stretch for what we created, which was kind of more colourful mess. It was an amazing two hours, where I got lost in what I was doing, rubbing pastels on paper and blending colours with my fingers. Great conversation with the art therapist too.

We've spent lots of time outside enjoying the sun, and even chipped away at the huge crochet blanket project so that feels good.

And, even better - we stretched ourselves and spoke to other people here, even going for a walk together this afternoon.

It's tricky hiding Tint Turtle and Squishy but it's kind of fun to sneak them out here and there.

Today was a good day 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Awesome @CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear,

Ooooh I am loving this break place. You, me, squishy, new friend coming, yep, this is very cool! The forms sounded tough this morning. Only 5 boxes, when there are eleventy million ways to answer each question? Those forms were definitely created by a psychologist rather than a social worker! Psychologists like boxes, social workers appreciate complexity.

You sound super positive this evening, which is super awesome. So...we have to eat healthily at the break place do we? Ok, I can do that. I will do healthy eating and no coffee after early afternoon. "Early afternoon" is a bit of a vague term for my rule-directed brain - what time is "early afternoon"?

I love that you ate the cute apple named Andy.

It made me giggle that you are hiding me and Squishy because I have always shamelessly carried a soft-toy around with me when in hospital. It used to be a teddy bear, and now of course, for the past few years it has been my turtle. I wonder if Squishy and I will get to meet anyone at the break place after you have got to know them better???

Do you have any sense of how long you are going to be at the break place? I am so happy that you are sounding so positive tonight. I am sure you know as well as I do that it is probably going to be a bit of a roller-coaster ride at the break place - I am guessing that not every moment is going to be as good as this present one. But that's ok. Maybe in the harder moments, you can come back and read your post of tonight and know that the sun always comes out after a storm - even super big storms.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Wonderful news, @CheerBear. Hi @Zoe7.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hiya @Mazarita - missed you lately. How are you doing?

@Phoenix_Rising how is the wave riding going little turtle?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Zoe7, I am trying to get to my wave thread to report in on the wave riding, but I keep getting sidetracked on other threads.

@CheerBear The pictures of squishy and me (and evolving new friend) have now appeared. I LOVE how you are sneaking us out here and there!!!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That in itself is a positive @Phoenix_Rising

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