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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That gave me such a good giggle this morning @Maggie. Thank you.

Hope your morning has started off well ❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Nice to hear that giggle coming back. I hope that means you might be feeling a little, tiny weeny bit better.💜💕🐜🐝🐞🕷🐛 the bugs always remind me of @Former-Member and hi if you are around Bella.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Maggie

I’m around. 💜💖👋

Stress hasn’t eased up. Not sure it ever will.

Nice to see you.

You too @CheerBear 💜💖👋

☕️🍰

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Maggie 😊

I think I am feeling a bit brighter thanks. I came home today to spend a couple of nights with the little crew and was telling my person about the group I'm staying with. It's such a great group and it's full of big uplifting personalities. There's heaps of laughing, to the point where it's almost hard to not feel a little better there (great problem) and it's kind of contagious in a way. Very cool ☺

I'm about to pick up the little crew who think I'm home for good today so it's probably not going to go down so well when I let them know I have another week away, but I know this is definitely the right thing right now.

Curious to hear how you're going but understand if you might not want to/can't share. I hope there's some light happening for you.

Bug hugs to you, @Former-Member and all 💗🐝🐞🐜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear The laughing problem sounds good, it has a way of lifting weights just a little. Your little crew will be pleases and sad, but next week isn't tooooo far, and benefits outweigh the rest I guess. Little people can understand more than we expect sometimes.

Its a big struggle for me @CheerBear, when dark turns black I get scared. So hard to keep the negative voices at bay. I pushed really hard yesterday and finished one cross stitch. Though I hadn't been out of pjs for days, it was a major achievment, even if internal voices scoff. I don't feel like I'm even taking small steps, but I'm still breathing, at times, that's all that can be achieved. I have to keep going for Furbaby, she's fragile, we need each other. Thanks for asking how I'm doing, I find it so hard to talk about me, to talk about the real stuff. 💕💜💕🐝🐛🕷

@Former-Member Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Biggest hugs @Maggie. Black can be so scary. I hear you with not feeling like you're taking small steps. I want to take steps forward all the time but maybe when we're in the blackness, breathing is all we need to do.

So, so great with the crosstitch - go you. I know how much of an effort it can be for me to do anything when I'm in a scary place and I hope it has felt good for you. Definitely a major achievement ☺

💗 for you and furbaby. With you both.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Waiting for your pic ⏪⏪⏪ found a few you might find funny.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear have been reading along on your journey. Glad you have support on here and irl. I know how hard it is with explaining things to little ones. Take care sweetheart 💜💜💖💖

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Maggie big smiles. That's exactly what I do to one and what one does to me 😆 Love it. Sending some sunshine your way today ☀️

@Snowie so nice to see you and thank you. I've quietly caught up with how you're doing (the bits you've shared) and am sending you lots of ❤. My little crew are acting out a bit this morning as I expected they may, which I think is probably because I'm heading back in today. It's tricky sometimes. I hope you and yours are going as well as you can be.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I'm guessing you might be back at the MHU now. No doubt it's been a tough day for you and LF. I really hope this week brings sunshine, bigs and smalls. Sending warm thoughts your way. Take good care dear lady. 💛💛💛☀️☀️☀️☀️

@Snowie Hi there, hope you are travelling as well as can be expected.💛💕

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