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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @Maggie and anyone who might be reading. Thank you for your message yesterday. I am sitting in the freezing cold here at the place I'm staying. It's very icy but it's still and clear so I think the sun will warm us up soon and it will be a nice day ahead.

Yesterday wasn't as hard as it could have been. One in particular was pretty sad to say goodbye and I had "miss you already" messages pretty soon after heading off but they will be OK and I found it was good to be back here. I have a couple of really tricky things on this week and it feels like the right place to be while I am doing them.

Wondering how you're doing and sending you warm ones of these ❤💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

thinking of you @CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I hope the tricky situations have been taken care of. I also hope your rest time is doing just that, giving you lots of rest. Not sure if you will be heading home on Friday, or Sunday, but time is coming to an end quickly.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi to anyone who might be reading. Just wanted to come by to say hi and to check in 👋

Today I was discharged from the time out place I've been staying at. I'm full of feels but so incredibly thankful that I was able to be there. There was so much about it that was great - group work, information on anything and everything, new skills, tools and resources, remembering and practicing ones I use have and use, encouragement to get back into routine, plenty of fun distractions (I made SO much mess baking sweet things in the kitchen and playing with different arty crafty stuff), learning with and from others there, and very helpful one-on-one support from staff. I ate dinner every night, tried new and interesting foods, have cut caffeine right back, worked through the side effects of a med that maybe will help with sleep and anxiety a little (I am sleeping in past 5 more often than not - woohoo!), and generally learned heaps more about myself and how I work and not. All of it will help with a head that was seriously messy by the time I went in, and may (will probably) be messy at times for a while to come.

But the other residents that were there made the experience so much more than a head help break. I was very lucky to be with the people I was. We formed a really close group and have plans to keep that going on the outside. In person I have huge walls up because I'm so scared of having to leave people again that I don't want to let people in. The people I was with saw straight through the walls and helped me take them down, and it felt scary but so SO good. There were so many moments of laughing (the kind that hurts your belly and ribs and cheeks), hugs, tears, silliness, real deep and meaningful conversations, appreciating differences and similarities and just being ourselves. It was the best soul and heart medicine and it added heaps to what I gained from my time away. I truly find it amazing how much struggle there is in the world but how resilient humans really are. That we can keep getting up despite experiencing so many reasons to give up, inspires me. It feels like hope and it rocks ☺

So I'm out now and not far off being with my little crew again, feeling like my tank has been filled, like I'm much more able to breathe and like I am ready to do this again. I don't expect it to be smooth sailing at all, but I know there will always be support out there somewhere and a whole heap of ways to try to unstick stuckness if and when it happens. I really scared myself just before I went in, but it has helped me see where that scary point is and what I can and will do to get through it.

I'm hoping everyone on the forum is going OK enough. I've missed everyone and am looking forward to catching up after I enjoy some quality time with a few littler people who have been sad over the past weeks but who will be better off for this in the longer term too.

Thanks to anyone who read that novel 😉🤗

🦄🌈💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear so good to had you had a positive experience and feel your tanks been filled. So good to hear about your inprovements and changes youve made too.
Enjoy your time with LF, im sure they will be very excited to see you too

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I love a good novel, especially one with a happy ending...or beginning..or both!!!!!

Enjoy your little crew and catching up wherever and whenever. I can hear that giggle...sounds good..💛💕💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I too enjoyed reading that novel, @CheerBear. It read so well all the way through.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I came across a cute little rainbow unicorn today and thought of you @CheerBear...

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Too cute. Like the perfect cross between Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Brite- thanks @Zoe7 😊

And thanks @Maggie, @Mazarita and @outlander for reading and replying to my drop and run novel the other day 💗💛😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hmm wasn’t sure where over there could be. Chickened out and came here @CheerBear. How are going a week after your respite. It feels like it’s gone very fast to me.

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