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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I wish I could have come back online sooner @Teej. I became so scared (of pretty much everything) and then so overwhelmed and kind of went next level nuts and it's only just settling. I did end up being admitted last Monday as planned but last week was spent doing things like DV and legal services and a police trip (I good and proper flipped about that one) on top of the usual psych stuff that happens here. Definitely not how a rest break was supposed to go but it is what it is and I'm thankful I am here. Court is the next hurdle when I'm a little less the way I still can be and I can find my brave again. On that Friday it happened I ended up called triage and catt on myself because I was so scared and I got bounced around between the two services and some answering machines before I stopped trying. It was really scary and just yuck.

Buuuut it is so, so good to be here. It's a full house so it's busy and loud sometimes but it is a great group. I have a very mum kind of friend who constantly nags me about putting on my socks and wearing a jacket (she's making soup for me at the moment), and there's an annoying younger brother kind of one here. We've been hanging out watching the soccer and playing with the boxing gloves (and arguing and laughing a lot). I also got to spend my first night here with one of my friends from last time. I have the best room with a huge window that looks out on to the garden and I've been doing lots of crafty stuff and journaling and relearning all the coping stuff and self care stuff that I forgot. It's really helpful and the timing with it all is probably pretty great.

That was a big ramble sorry. I've reeeeeally missed you guys.

I'm sorry that you lost the last bit of stability you had today. That doesn't sound good at all. Hormones suck and make everything so much harder than they need to be sometimes. I've been thinking of you and sending you my biggest hopes that you've been going OK. I saw you wanted a hug on another thread (there's one ➡️ 🤗💗 from me).

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @TheVorticon 😊 Thank you. It's really good to see you. I hope things are OK/Ok-ish for you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

There are so many feels in that post @CheerBear. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all that. I am really glad it’s the right place for you to be.

And wow how can they not get it together. I thought that they were the same. Triage and CATT. Actually I think I understand. If I was to call one i have been sent to the other, just once. Grrr how do they think that helps in crisis. More grr.

You will find your brave again. You have to breathe between each brave which is what you are doing. Court can wait until you are breathing ok. Enjoy some fun moments there. I’m expecting lots of crafty pics at some stage 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💜🌈💕💐 @CheerBear .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks for understanding @Teej ❤😗 I'll share some pics soon.

👋 @Faith-and-Hope ☺💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

👋😘💕

Have missed you @CheerBear. Glad you are landing on your feet .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, was at my friend's place when your likes and first message came through. Home again now and able to reply on a proper keyboard.

So sorry all that happened last Monday. May the outcome of the legal matters be in your favour. You are very brave to be dealing with it at all. So glad you are in a nurturing environment where you can heal from the build up of difficulties.

How wonderful that you have been sending me good mornings. I've been thinking heaps about you too, and have missed you.

Narnia-style foggy sunrise sounds like it would have created lovely soft shades of colour. Today has been unusually cold here. The sun was a bright spot behind the thick grey clouds while I was out and about. Then, just before I came home it started pelting with rain. Was still pelting when I got to my bus stop so I got a bit wet, but am now wrapped up in leggings, tracky dacks, and my trusty giant fluffy dressing gown.

Refresher learning with coping skills sounds good. Having a 'mum' and friend from last time, great. Awesome with your beautiful view out the window. Crafty stuff and journaling, yay.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💜💕💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💗💛💚💙💜💖

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

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