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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have been picking up the thread of how you are going @Mazarita. That was a nice surprise, friends dropping in .... hopefully that has helped recovering your mojo along a bit.

I love hearing your cat news @Sans911.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh, that's so cute with the cat and the kitten, @Sans911. You are lucky having your furbabies. That's okay if you fall asleep mid chat even. I'm up late tonight because I've had so much sleep from last night until mid afternoon today. That, and I'm often up late at night.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Faith-and-Hope, I'm a bit slow off the mark tonight. I missed your previous post. Thanks for knowing what's going on with me and the (it seems) never ending problem with this meds change. It has indeed helped my mojo to visit my friend today, and to have her cook dinner for us (C came later) and her brother. I was a kitchen hand and peeled 12 potatoes. I think that's the most potatoes I've ever peeled, lol.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

We have a very large extended family @Mazarita ..... cooking for the crowd starts with more than 12 potatoes .... lol ....

I am hoping that @CheerBear‘s break time gets organised as smoothly as possible, but I am just as concerned that she is given a degree of autonomy within the team regarding her kids and decisions that she knows what the affects are likely to be for them ..... it’s all in the knowing of them, and her role as their mother. At the same time I am so proud of the effort she is putting in to self-advocate (if you’re still here @CheerBear - hugs) because it is so needed ..... and it takes a lot of conviction and drive to keep standing up for that.

❤️

It’s you too @Sans911 .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I had a feeling that might be the case for you, @Faith-and-Hope. I bet you are like speedy gonzalez with the peeling of them too. Just to give you an indication of my talent in the kitchen... I managed to spear myself with the end of the plastic potato peeler and start to bleed at one point! LOL. Fortunately it was a minor wound and I was able to finish the job after a breather.

Agreed that the self-advocacy and autonomy are such important parts of fostering good mental health.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

We have reached a point where the kids are speaking up with mr.F&H about what they are feeling and how things need to be for them to be able to simply function on some days, and to move forward on others ...... and he is listening, and responding supportively ..... I am having to pinch myself a little that this is actually happening. It’s the antithesis of where we were this time last year.

It is as though he withdrew in a sense of defeat, from trying to control them into what he thought they needed. As a result they seem to be stabilising, apart from the current panic about preparing submissions, and he seems to be recognising it.

@Mazarita

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That is truly awesome, @Faith-and-Hope. A huge thing given what's come before. I'm really happy to hear it. I can understand how you might feel you have to pinch yourself. It must be so good to see for you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It doesn’t mean we are out of the woods by any means, but it means that the kids can self-advocate, and they are.

My eyes are rolling around in my head now @Mazarita so I might log out before I face-plant.

Goodnight Hon, I can see that other thread taking off a bit, so you have company there too for a while. Will catch up with you again tomorrow.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Self advocation is a great place to get to for your kidults, @Faith-and-Hope. With that, comes independence and feeling that for themselves. Gotta be a good thing.

Goodnight, Faith. Good to see and chat with you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Goodnight @Mazarita ❤️

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