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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning everyone/anyone

Wanting to say thank you @Faith-and-Hope, @Mazarita, @Teej and @Sans911 for your posts last night and words of encouragement. I also really enjoyed reading through the conversations this morning.

I am quietly, or maybe not so quietly, happy dancing at the moment and wanted to share. I took the (triggering, instant get my back up, breeeeathe CheerBear breathe) phone call from catt a moment ago. I can't stand these calls as they ask their box checking questions in such a cold way. It's jolty yucky inside feelings as soon as the phone rings for me and can be a struggle for me not to snap. But I did it. I have been practicing the words "I'm fine, thanks" again and again and as much as it pained me not to point out how not OK the way this is done can be, it seemed to help me out today ☺

While I was on the call the catt clinician mentioned that the referral to the break place had been put through. It was almost like a passing comment and, after the mention of all the hoops I'd need to jump through yesterday, it took me by surprise. It's happening!

I mentioned how much easier things would be for me with some kind of time frame if possible, and asked if they could help with that. I should get a call back soon to give me an update if there's one available. I see their doctor tomorrow and have an appointment with my GP before hand to arm myself with accurate info on my med history and side effects as they're being pretty heavily pushed by catt and I want to be prepared for that.

Got this again! (And thank you for your got this when mine was slipping) ☺ ❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBearwell done on getting through that phone call. I am glad things are in progress for you to have the break you so need. I hope it isn't a too long wait for you. But the wheels are turning and that has to be better than stuck at the stop sign

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Snowie ❤ I have been trying to find somewhere to let you know I'm thinking of you, as I have a feeling you are stuck at a stop sign (I could be wrong here though). It's a hard place to be in for long. So - I'm thinking of you and I really hope you have some forward movement soon.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear. Yes stuck at the stop sign. I know you know how tricky it is there, waiting on others to get us unstuck. However your post this morning made me smile, I am so happy for you

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

And this one too...

@CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yay @CheerBear 🎉

Well navigated ❣️

Practicing what I need to say was how I got out from under adult bullies who kept catching me in their mental traps ..... I had to sit down and work out how I kept getting caught and kept feeling like I was floundering in the moment, and practice the escape phrases ...... it worked. Instead of floundering I went into autopilot and spoke the rehearsed responses.

Go you ..... 😊👍

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nice one @CheerBear. Fingers and toes crossed this comes through quickly.💛💜💛💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Anxiety causing in a big way @Snowie. Everything crossed you and I both get to where can help, soon. Hugs ❤

@Faith-and-Hope I love the term 'escape phrase'. I can get so tangled in what I want to say vs what is better to say in these situations that it can feel like massive stuckness. Saying what is better to say can feel like letting myself down in a way but saying what I want to say can also let me down sometimes as it can cause problems for me. It's lose-lose that way. Maybe it can be neither of them and instead it can be an 'escape' option/choice for stuckness. Yay for reframing! 😁 Thank you!

Thanks @Maggie 😊❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Missed your post @outlander sorry (still having some email issues). Looking forward to seeing those pics! I might fold the washing and come back to them.

(Ring side seats to spinny, must.organise.everything.right.now, brain?) 😆😉

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

At least your being productive @CheerBear ❤🌻

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