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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks too for giving me a place to vent @CheerBear and to @Faith-and-Hope, @Sans911 for listening to my drivel.

I like your new avatar much better than my pick, it’s a great find. It did put a smile on my dial this morning. It had a bit of Helen ready "yes I am woman, hear me roar" about it. I know that song is not your era but I hope you’ve heard it before. It’s pretty awesome. Think it should be resurrected. 😊

Night 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

She is resurrected in us every time we sing it @Teej ..... 😏

👋 @CheerBear @Sans911 .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I wish I had daughters to teach them that song @Faith-and-Hope. It doesn’t work so well with boys :face_with_rolling_eyes:

how are you?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Never drivel @Teej. Ever. Why do I follow you, @CheerBear and others? Because you speak your truth, you speak with raw honesty and vulnerability, you're intelligent and smart as well as caring and kind. These for me are qualities I resonate with and are drawn to. Don't stop being you. Hugs and hugs

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Agreed @Sans911 ❣️

I’m not bad at the moment @Teej. S2 is still in a struggle with himself and self-sabotaging ..... but conversation is happening between us regarding that, so there is still opportunity to help him with it .... holding him in the light and hoping he will get over this wall, this time, rather than there having to be a next time.

Making slow headway with D3 too ..... she is coming with me to uni tomorrow to get sorted with what she is not going to do .... and see if there is something she feels she can do, this time, rather than there having to be a next time ......

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Sans911 Thank you for you kind words. It turns out I’m not so good at receiving them as giving them. My first response was not at all gracious and wanted to debate you 🤨:face_with_rolling_eyes:.

I have thought about you today. I suspect we have a few things similar happening. Today I fought pretty hard for me and I think I wanted to drag you with me in the fighting part. It gets so hard when we are in the thick of it or even in the just trying to find a way through part.

@Faith-and-Hope You are in the fighting for your kids battle. It’s good d3 is going with you. I hope she can find just one subject to start again. Fingers crossed s2 works it out. It may be a battle even if he does get through still though ........or it might just be my family trait. My darling handed his major paper in 1.5 hours late. He’s had 5 years of trying to get a paper in on time 😳. He’ll probably lose 25% of his marks straight up.

I have a feeling though that your patience and perserverence might be way better at getting a good result though.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That post should have tagged you too @Faith-and-Hope but I have a numb brain today. It's been in overdrive for far too long.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

If any of you have seen the pic I put up I’m really sorry. I completely was too smart for my own good. There was an offensive word I didn’t connect to at the time. I was too worried about covering part of the pic up with flowers. It’s been moderated and rightfully so. I’m not going to attempt to put it up again changing the word. So sorry if I offended anyone.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Teej - you can debate my compliment anytime you like. But I'll say two things about that. One, I can probably out shouty capitals at you, and two, I learnt some time ago that while I choke on compliments, I still act gracious and say thanks because you never know how genuine that compliment is or when you'll get another.

So here's another compliment. Thank you for thinking of me. I appreciate it. I never expect responses from people from anything I post or like. I'm always conscious of intruding in other's spaces, and it feels like sometimes I'm interrupting an important conversation.

Ugh, in the thick of it, fighting it or just trying to get through-why is it so hard and tiresome? I've fought my whole life for so many big and little things. Do you know I even had to fight to keep any clothes, toys, books, etc as a kid? They were constantly taken from me as a child by other children when I lived in a care home. So it makes sense doesn't it, fighting for 48 years is pretty wearing. I wonder how much more I have left. I'm scared that if I give up the fight, that's the end of me.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Not a problem @Sans911 ..... my brain is a bit awash right now too .....

Didnt see the image @Teej .....

I am so grateful that S2 will talk to me about what is going on with him. Talked to him about ticking boxes in a similar sense to jumping through hoops, and knowing that there are boxes that need to be ticked and hoops that need to be jumped through to get him where he is going, and to try not to overthink it ..... just get the box ticked and put it behind you ..... size up to the next one .....

Learning to skate = XYZ number of times falling on your butt, so not strapping on the skates is not going to achieve that ..... you’ve got to get out there and fall on your butt again and again before you skate well ..... so try to keep it as simple as that ..... the assignments are boxes to tick and yeah, he might end up on his butt, but he will survive it and get back up and go at it again.

That doesn’t mean he can get up and over the bar this time, but I just ticked a Mumma box by telling him all that ..... hope he can stop panicking at just get the boxes ticked.

Wonder how many more Mumma boxes I have to tick before these last two dragons can get their wings on and fly .....

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