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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Beautiful @Maggie, thank you. Having a blue day today so the smile from that is much appreciated. Hope today is going ok for you ❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sorry you are having a blue day today @CheerBear. I can certainly understand, reading some of what you are working/going through, plus other things too I guess. You don't need to answer this, I dropped by to say thinking of you, and I am. My day is going okish, that's quite an improvement. Take care and know how much you mean to us all here. 💕💜💗🐾💞☀️☀️☀️☀️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thinking of you often @Maggie, feeling really glad (wrongish word - words tricky today) to see you around. So good to hear there's improvement to ok-ish. Little steps - you're doing it.

Thanks again, heaps. That means lots 💕💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Stopping by with some good wishes for your day @CheerBear.

Sundays can be tricksy days, for me at least. Another one of those shifts in expectations that can catch us by surprise.

Be as kind to yourself as you can won't you CheerBear.

Lots of good wishes to all who pass by ...

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Former-Member. Such a pretty, uplifting colour in those flowers 💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Maggie thank you ❤💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi to anyone reading.

There have been a few things that have happened that kind of sent things that were already tricky to next level bananas for me, that I can't really talk about here. I've tried to find a safe way to talk about them, but I can't. I'm really tired though and I'm in need of a reset break (funnily enough yesterday it was exactly a year since my break place stay admission).

I've been as direct as I can about asking for support with the little crew so I can take a break, but I think it's probably been a tiptoe kind of conversation. I'm worried about the impact of my stuff on the person I need to ask for help from, and I feel so guilty and so bad about how much stress I cause and how hopeless it can be for them to try to support me. I feel like I've broken them already, and I worry that this will stretch an already very stretched person, or break them more. I have to trust that they'll say no if they can't, but it does feel a bit off to be thinking about doing this to them. In a way I am scared of hearing no also, as then I feel like I really will be stuck in "now what?" land.

It's time now to ask them properly and directly because things are getting a bit yuck for me again. I have a chance to do that tonight and am going to try to muster up the courage to. I could use a week, at least I think, to rest, to help break the cycle and to stop and breathe and chill out so I can keep on keeping on. I messaged my psych (I could almost hear the shock/happy dance from here) and they're ready to get it rolling if and when I can. Totally hate not being superhuman, but I'm not and there's a breaking point maybe, and I so don't want to get there.

I think I'm posting here as a way of making sure I try tonight. If I say it here, I feel like I'll be might be more likely to do it.

Big breath.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Hearing you dear lady.💜💜💛💛

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