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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @CheerBear, I had to chuckle over the lunchbox situation. I have that here too and also the who gets front seat!!

Hope today has some good moments in it for you

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I fixed the front seat thing ...... they all sat in the back till they were late high school, then they were ranked in order of age ...... but when one was dropped at school, the next eldest could jump into the front till we were at the next school drop off (boys school, girls school, special ed school, and sometimes Pre-primary school).

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So pretty thank you for sharing @Maggie 💗💕 Love the hint of pink.

@Snowie "First World problems, kids" was running around my head this morning :face_with_rolling_eyes:😆 . I remember the front seat wars with one sibling very well (poor mum) and don't envy you having to manage that.

I solved that one by having one giant sized one and the others as mini sized, that are a while away from even thinking about it @Faith-and-Hope 😁 I can only imagine your school runs. Wow!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

There was quite a lot of finishing getting dressed in the car, finishing breakfast in the car, finishing last minute homework in the car, and after-school snacks in the car .....

Think I hav lived half my life in a car ....,,

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

There was also some booting of feisty baby dragons out of the car to get themselves sorted out while I drove along next to them at a snail’s pace until they were fit to return to the car ...... and some forbidding of others to talk to anyone between school and home ...... signs I can now identify as belonging with the underlying genetic links to what appears to be mr. f&h’s underlying disorder ..... and what I referred to as temperance .......

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Maggie it’s wonderful to see you again. I was hoping we would. 👋💜🤗

hi @CheerBear

I have spent the weekend composing lots of posts to you in my head, getting them on paper is a different beast. It was interesting because a few things made me question what was vulnerability and what was shame. I had not felt that connection before so it’s been a good learning curve..... and I’m still no closer to knowing :face_with_rolling_eyes:. Much of this was about your post about schooling. So I want to thank you for opening that can of worms for me 😜😘💜. Seriously though I think it was good for me to think about it. I will write my thoughts down though. I’m sorry for my run away on Friday. It was me needing to spend time with my family and then was too exhausted to respond. Just a heads up as they get older so does their time of day to talk to you or have a d&m. I find now the most open conversations happen between 10pm and 1:00am :face_with_rolling_eyes:.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

😊 thats my face seeing you @Teej. No need ever to apologise or explain a 'run away' (which I would only ever think of as a doing whatever else it is kind of thing).

You helped heaps on Friday. It made be really honest with myself about needing a break and it helped me remember that I'm not quite as scared of catts as I was. That was really helpful at the time.

Haha with the D&Ms. Big thoroughly enjoys them on their way to saying goodnight for the 45millionth time at ridiculous o'clock after I've been calling lights out for ages. I can only imagine how much that will get later as they grow up!

Great to see you. Hope your days are having something nice in them 💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope

my car thing was solved by making a seating plan which worked. I had three of my kids pretty much the same size, they could have passed as triplets for much of the time (I had the three in 25 months). 3rd the most coordinated and physically stronger. I decided they would rotate the front seat every year so for a whole year one of them had it. I only had a small five seater car so one had to be in the front from a young age. It worked remarkably well.for 4 physical boys right up until they had their own car. ☺️ I know it’s an individual thing, I kind of had to with them being so competitive. 😲

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Teej Thankyou for your kind words, so very much appreciated. OMG 3 in 25 mths, you have your work cut out for you. 💜💜💜 Purple Hearts for you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

I want to share some things with you. This can of worms involves shame, vulnerability, values, privilege and identity but I am actually really grateful to have it raised an an opportunity to work through some things. The can of worms was about your child’s schooling.

I want to share my experiences and thoughts about it.

I grew up in a family of teachers, married one and my best friends are as well. I may not have been in education for a long time but still have conversations about education and schools. My friends and family teaching experiences go from elete private schools to difficult low socio ecomomic schools and their positions from teacher to principal. I still have a passion for education.

My personal experience is that I attended a pretty rough high school where I was happy but easily lead. My family were not happy about this and my mum went back to work to send me to one of the elete private single sex schools. I hated it at first but in the end I loved it and made lifelong friends. I am currently grateful that I had the opportunity to go. Academically I didn’t achieve much but I think lots of my values came from that school. The positives in my experience was that the people who went there were mostly goal oriented and for me that meant I was dragged upwards rather than down as far as doing school work. It was cool to excel and I grew up with a lot of boarders from farms as my friends, it provided me with a pretty stable foundation. I will add I was one of the poorer kids and that provided some discomfort at times. I could only afford clothes from target but you can imagine all the brand names and life experiences from many wealthy friends that I could never dream of. I think once I got passed the mid teens though that got easier, it was more about personalities developing than competition on clothes and money.

When my eldest came to going to high school I went through the enrolment process to a middle range private school for him but realised it was impossible with his brother a year behind him. My current belief is that maybe it was better for him to have gone the difficult way he did to succeed at uni. My second one would have succeeded I think at most schools as he was internally and academically driven. My third child needed an alternative school, he was not made for public or private school, mainstream schooling was not his thing. My youngest struggles unless the teacher is good and then he shows what he is made of, he is just beginning to understand much more about his learning styles and his capabilities and I think he may end up doing some adult education at some point. Now for one of the points that made me think as I was writing this. I couldn’t think of many of my friends who haven’t sent their kids to private school, none of them have been on religious grounds, all for resources and academic achievement. Most are mid range ones. Majority of those are all going on/ have gone to university. Just adding I really don’t see university as being the pinnacle. Some kids are made for it and thrive in careers after uni and some don’t my family has both. I value them equally 💜.

So my thoughts on this come from many varied places. I think if you have a child that is driven and motivated and you can manage it I would be a fantastic opportunity for them. If you have a child that will struggle with the social stuff and middle class competition it may make schooling just as difficult as other schools near you. One friend is thinking of taking her child out for that reason. Over here there is university high school for Yr 11 and 12 which is popular (and expensive) because it’s just like early university with less hype about the social stuff. It seems to work really well for strong minded kids that aren’t worried about things like formals or end of school celebrations etc. ( believe me those two things can take up every waking thought for some kids)

knowing who your child has for a mum I’d think sending them is a fabulous thing if you can do it, I know you’ll be able to work out the resilience things and social stuff as you go. I also think it is just one of the ways you can change the world 😘.

PS edited

i went through much of brene browns stuff to work through writing this and had to explore much about myself. I discovered there is a thing called privilege shame. I also discovered a long felt shame I hadn’t recognised cognitively before and thought long and hard about vulnerability and courage. I read a really vulnerable post on the forum today which also helped me to find the courage to post this 💜🤗

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