FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

4,801 - 4,810 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear- I think you know I follow your story frequently, because I love epic stories, which you tell in such an interesting, heartfelt, emotional yet beautiful way. There is something quite charismatic about you, and it comes through in your stories. Your chrocheting is something unlike anything I have ever seen. So much of what you are going through lately resonates with similar things I am going through. So your hurts reach all the way to my heart.I just wanted to let you know I never want to offer you advice, but I hear you and your hurts. And I am sorry this is the way things are for you, because you don't deserve this, your LF don't deserve this. I look forward to a time when you heart is lighter and life is much easier for all. Some day you need to write your story, because I would read it. All my love CB.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Sans911 big giant hugs thank you. I feel you here and appreciate it always. I saw your tag the other day, about the processes you're going through too. It pulled at me and I wanted to reply but by the time I could, it looked like it had passed (a little - I get that this doesn't go away) so I didn't want to dig it back up.

I wanted to say how much I understand the hurt and pain of it but how there's so much more to you than what's said on paper like that, like there is to me too. It's easy to forget or to have it shadowed by the grey and dark when you're being swamped or hit with it, but it's not gone, it's just difficult to see in the moment.

Thank you Sans. I feel very similar with you ❤

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear - its so hard to know what our kids need, what could be best for them etc and there's no crystal ball to look at to decide either way... I have only worked in public schools and mostly those that are considered in areas of high disadvantage... I think that kids who want to learn, have home support and all the 'essentials' safety, love, pysical needs met (yay maslow) are going to learn no matter where they are. However, in saying that, i do think that private schools often have a lot to offer and provide more support to ensure everyone is keeping up academically but the flip side of that is there can be a lot of pressure on kids there and a lot more homework and extra expectations. Most of my colleagues children from a nother site that iw orked at went to private schools and many went to boarding schools in the capital city for high school, a few were on scholarships but the scholarships didnt cover all the extra curricular activities that children could choose to be a part of and were extremely pricy so i know some of the kids (who didnt come from wealthy families) struggled with feeling left out and 'different' because they simply couldnt afford to do what the other teenagers were doing.. (i know your little ones arent high school yet but just examples i know of).
I'm not sure whats best but i would say to trust what you feel is best for your child as you do know them best... For a quieter and more gentle child, certain schools where there is a lot of difficult things happening for them and school to deal with another school might be better... im not sure if any of that is at all helpful sorry...

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

II do not post directly with that much, but I wanted you to know I missed your presence for a while. I felt you were a postive impact on the forum. Sorry that the DSP application is doing your head in. Best wishes for you in gaining some income security.

Re with kids and schooling. There is a tendency to look for schools to suit the child these days. Something that was unheard of in generations past. There are more sporty, more artsy and more sciencey schools. There are more community focussed and intellectually challenging schools. My daughter got into one school which had a fantastic rep with uni entrance scores etc and she thrived there, but she was put off doing music, which was sad. It was extremely competitive. Within the public system there are area music desgnated schools that have better funding and prgrams. There are more selective entry schools for high achievers. Keep looking, but there is no perfect answer. I had to make the compromise that though my daughter was seen as very musical in primary school, there were kids doing AMus entering the school with her and she felt inadequate and dropped music. Kids still often do get better options these days than in days past. Take care of you and yours.

I have had a bit of experience in a range of private schools. There are so many. We just need to make the best decision we can.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's so helpful thanks @Former-Member. I really appreciate that you took the time to reply and share like that.

You raised some really interesting points that have been playing on my mind. Where it's been suggested we look and apply, are pretty exclusive schools in very wealthy areas, which is the absolute opposite of where we are now. The uniform alone would be a stretch, let alone the ongoing 'anything except for standard education' stuff. I'm looking at advanced kind of programs (being careful with my words here) but I don't necessarily agree with them because of things like the pressure and expectations. This one wants to go for it though, and researched it all after I mentioned the name. They're the book smart, gentle, responsible, confident, enjoys extra homework kind of kid. The others of mine are different, as kids tend to be. I think I have to look at those programs despite my own discomfort with them, because what's here is not right for them and because they want me to. It's a very conflict inside feeling. Tricky. Thanks again. Really appreciated.

Hi @Appleblossom. Thanks for your kind words. It's funny, it has only been a couple of weeks of me timing myself out in a way here, but it felt like a really long time. I mentioned this morning that forum time feels different to not forum time sometimes.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I can imagine it would have been sad to see your daughter be put off music, given how much it's a passion of yours and perhaps a gift you wanted to pass on. I'd love my kids to learn music of some kind but it's not offered at school for them. Maybe in high school it will be.

You're right in needing to make the best decision we can. I wonder if there will be a time when I feel completely accepting of the decisions I've made of these kinds as I can see the potential positives and negatives, and all the unknowns.

Hope your weekend is going well.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear ..... beads, as promised ..... although these ones made me think of you ....

Probably the colours and shapes in your blankets .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Beautiful @Faith-and-Hope, thank you. Love the shapes and colours in the beads in the last picture especially.

You were up late/early. I hope you're ok/ok enough.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear .....

Yeah, have got some stuff to sort out ...... generally when I can’t sleep that’s the way of it .....

I need to sit with it a bit and see what rises to the surface.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Really beautiful and inspiring bead images @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear especially the last one, that's stunning!

Hope everyone is doing okay and having pleasant moments as the day moves into evening.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member and anyone reading - I finished my DSP application. I just have to wrestle with my printer and scanner and attach copies of all of the documents, but I did it. We had a really trying afternoon/evening yesterday, I had almost no sleep with an extra couple in bed with me last night, I was full of sick anxious feelings this morning, and the very last thing I felt like doing was going in to c-link today, but I did.

I'd happy dance except I'm too tired, and I'm not sure this is a happy dance kind of thing , I don't know. I feel proud though. This has felt like a big reality check and an exercise in acceptance, which I tend not to do so well with. Once these docs are scanned, I can put it to the side for now (like beads F&H 😉 ), knowing there's nothing more I can possibly do with it than I've done. In terms of evidence and documentation, it looks great. In terms of hope, it looks totally hopeless, which I guess is what it needs to look like, so that's great. Such jumbled feelings. Relief is a big one that's there though and it's very welcome right now.

Thanks for the listening and the encouraging.
4,801 - 4,810 of 5,090