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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
Hearing you @CheerBear So many really big things going on with so much complexity in each thing. You are so amazing in how you just keep going and break things down into being manageable - i'm often in awe of your spirit that is a natural part of you. Im sorry to hear about the housing stuff, it is unfair that renting is like this... sending hugs
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks heaps @Former-Member. That means lots to hear. I hope today is an ok enough/better than that kind of day. I often want to ask how you're doing and catch up but I don't want to put any pressure on you if you don't feel like replying. Thinking of you and really enjoying seeing your posts around when I do also ❤
@Snowie I see you there often. Thank you also. And @24601 - quiet wave and hi to you. No reply needed but if you'd like to, we're here.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @CheerBear - i feel so similar to how you describe but i have nowhere near the reasons to. am just feeling completely ploughed under and falling behind and the anxiety is overwhelming. I find it impossible to talk about anymore as in so many ways its just me who has to decide to just be ok. Am feeling a massive sense of isolation, which is my own fault. Have reached out for some support lately so will see what happens with that.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I know I don't know a lot about your situation @Former-Member, but I've caught enough to believe there are plenty of reasons to feel pretty, whatever the right word is. This might be a totally random one, but I remember well, when I started spilling a bit more about stuff here, I was being really hard on myself and you said something about how you could see there were lots of reasons to feel the way I did. It helped, heaps, and I still say it to myself to try and combat hard on myself thoughts. I can see the same with you.
I really hear you with the isolation. I want to be part of the world, but I fight a horrible feeling of also wanting to shut it out. It feels like no win either way to me sometimes.
So good to hear you're reaching out. From what I understand, you face extra barriers and challenges with that because of your situation. I really hope it helps. While I understand that it's on us to be ok, if only it was really that easy.
Big hugs ❤
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I read along @CheerBear thinking how much you have to do yet how you are still so strong, even if you don't feel it at times, for your LF.
I hope the scholarship process goes ok, I know how hard that can be.
Sometimes keeping on is all we can do even though it is difficult and unfair. I wish things were easier for you and you LF.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Snowie. I read along often with your stuff too, admiring your ability to keep on keeping on.
I wish I could ask you and @Former-Member and Zoe7 's opinion on this school stuff. It's a big decision and I really don't have many people to talk with about it to work it out. This one of mine is so, I don't know. They have a big understanding heart and they work hard and want to do well. They know we are limited in ways because of our situation (I don't think I can have them travelling on their own far away as an example). They told me they understood and that it was ok, but I could see the sadness and my heart hurt lots. I think we've found some kind of middle ground to give a really good go at, and that's all we can do. Crossing fingers now ☺
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hugs to all of you ..... @CheerBear@Former-Member@Snowie .....,
I think of baby steps like beads on a cord ..... once it is achieved, the “bead” can be pushed to the other side ...... it is done ..... it is behind me ...... and rather than looking at how long the strand of beads is, you just focus your attention on the next bead.
It helps so match to keep us moving forward ...... but part of my visualisation of it is a myriad of beautiful coloured beads in amazing materials ...... glass, ceramic, wood ...... intricate designs and patterns ..... glorious colours. @CheerBear, your amazing blankets invoke similar feelings ..... crocheting rows and rows of beautiful pattern in beautiful colours. To me it helps to visualise this way, so I am sharing it with you Hon the hope it helps you too ......
I am looking at Cerise nail polish on my nails this week ...... this weeks beads are Cerise ..... when I am in possession of my iPad again, I will post some images here.
💐💕🌷
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Love it @Faith-and-Hope, thank you 💗
I googled your nail polish and look forward to seeing it ☺ I should upload photos of my blanket in progress. I want to do that soon. I have one of mine next to me working on their first project (an owl toy) and they're doing so well with it. So impressed.
I am really looking forward to this paperwork stuff being posted and sent off. The idea of putting it to the side and behind me, is also keeping me going at the moment. It's going to be a good day when it's done.
Hope your coffee is good and your day goes well. Thanks for being you Faith-and-Hope.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
❤️ Thank you for being you @CheerBear .....
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I see you @Sans911 ..... ❤️
Still in the run a bit here. Will be popping in and out of the forums today ...... around commitments with the kids.
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