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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💜❤️💜❤️🌹 - sorry to read of your struggle. It can be a lonely and painful place to be in and I so hope it lifts for you soon.

Your crocheting is absolutely stunning - the colours so uplifting. Thank you for sharing 💞

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBearseeing your little rainbow pop up just put a smile on my face. So glad you are here and write as many novel as you want to

Will wait patiently for you photos!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Zoe7 @Former-Member @Snowie and those under the like button who I see there too - thank you heaps for reading my novel and being here ❤

I'm logging off before I get myself all teary again but I'll be back, sooner than I was last time. I missed you all and missed being here too much to stay away for very long (annoying tricky brain of mine).

☺

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear we missed you too CB - sooooo much. I think it is nearly time to organise another party - just because you are back with us - in whatever capacity you are capable of CB - we never did do Christmas in July

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear ..... 👋💜🦄🌈💕

Soooo glad to see you .....

Cant wait to see what you have made ❤️

I am sorry you have been feeling so down, but so glad to see you reaching out ..... a baby step is enough to change direction ..... keep coming Hon ..... a little at at time ..... when and as you can ......

Breathe ....

Swim ....

🐠🐠🐠🐙🐟🐬🦐🐠🦑🐳🐟🦀🐠 .......

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Stopping by really quickly @CheerBear to say how good it is to see your lovely rainbow avatar and also your really moving along Sophie! Wow. just wow! Go you girl.

I am so sorry about the dark and twisty head you're experiencing and I empathise with you as I'm dragging myself through a darkness too. Perhaps it's to do with the time of year topping off all the other tribulations that besiege us due to our situations.

I wish you strength of heart and mind and soul, and know you will get through this by using all the varying skills in your MH tool kit!

Your lizardy thing is delightful, what a lovely bright spot she is looking over those pretty Alyssum flowers. They drop hundreds of seeds too, so you can keep them and plant them whereever, or just let them drop for next years' growth.

Your sky images are amazing, thank you for sharing all of what you have, CheerBear, your presence has lifted my heart, although I am sorry your own heart is so downcast lately.

I look forward to seeing you back as soon as you are able to. It is always a joy to me to see you and read your posts.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Love the blanket ...... love the lizard ...... and love the sunrise @CheerBear ...... ❣️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've had a really average day. I hate being in this headspace. Everything feels so hard and heavy and big. I'm exhausted and I worry about being in the crashed place for too long so I try to dig deep and I try to move and I hope to push through. It feels almost impossible to get up and when I do and it doesn't get me anywhere, I wonder why I bothered.

I hate dark and twisty head. It's so doom and gloom and sinky and sinkier. It plays horrible "stop trying, "there's no point", "just give up" tricks. It tells me I'm too broken, that it's too big, that it's too much. It says always and never and forever.

I'm trying so hard not to listen to it but all I can see are reasons that it's right. It's not right. I know deep inside that it's not right but far out it does a good job colouring my world in very dark grey.

😔

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hearing you @CheerBear. Sorry the world has got so dark. It’s such a horrible cold place 😢.

Heres my fixit comment. I’m wondering if it was time to be able to see if you could get some time in the break place for a bit. You have had so much going on you deserve a break and a chance to gather strength again.

Heres my bring you cheer thing

And something from my bucket list that I’m hoping you’ll appreciate

Some amazing colours from nature to help colour your world. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thinking of you @CheerBear and sad for you. I know what you mean about seeing it coming. You have a lot of insight and wisdom around the dark grey-ness. For me it's a sinking this again feeling. The effort of carrying on is so heavy. I hope you can prioritise self-care. I struggle with that just when I most need it. Take care.

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