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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear we survived everything that's happened so far, so we'll survive this I guess. Looking forward to the day when we can thrive, not just survive.

I started making a dream catcher a while back but I did the hoops first. It didn't occur to me to start with the web. Will have a look on the craft thread for the ones mentioned here. I'm stumped about the weaving for the web.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

Just dropping something random off for you. I thought it was pretty cool, hopefully you will too. I hope you are ok, thinking of you. 💜🤗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💖💛💙💚💟

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Checking in with you @CheerBear, things have been somewhat quiet for a few of us, hopefully that means gradual moving forward-ness even if the steps are small ones. Thinking of you as you navigate all the stepping stones on your path to betterness.

I've managed to claw my way out of the slump into something resembling living. Now there is another waiting game - waiting for the sleep test computers to get sorted out and other appointments that are waiting on that - but I'm going to try to play that cool instead of worrying about the when of things being sorted.

I've done a bit of crafting here and there, a specially designed t-shirt finished and handed on to the person who commissioned it, a toilet roll holder for my bathroom just because, a craft bag, oh, and lots of Pickled Ginger which I am also enjoying eating.

I keep wondering if your special package has arrived yet, and think it must be soon.

Still deciding on which yarn and which pattern to use to CAL with you ...

Hope your days and nights are going well enough for all at your home!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Missing you @CheerBear ..... 💜🦄🌈😔

Hope you’re doing okay ......

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Missing you too, @CheerBear. Thought about you especially this morning when there was a little rainbow lorikeet flashing its colours through the trees overhanging my courtyard. Hope you are okay, whatever is happening for you at present. Sending love.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBearI was up early having a coffee and thought of you and our chats early in the morning. Missing you, hoping wherever you are that your LF and you are doing alright.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Thinking of you and missing seeing your rainbow pop up!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Teej, @outlander, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @Mazarita, @Snowie and @Zoe7 and anyone else who might be reading (really hope it's ok to tag - I haven't ventured anywhere to be able to see where people are at. As always, no pressure to read or reply).
I'm struggling a bit. I think I have dark and twisty depression head trying to take over at the moment and it sucks. I'm more-than-usual-teary and flat, feeling stuck with a big dose of not liking myself at all feelings, tired but having lots of trouble sleeping, and full of missing people, places, the person I was etc. My 'feeling so alone with this' is making me make myself more alone with this by building walls, and its leaving me in a cycle that's really hard to break. I can see it happening which almost makes it worse as then I kick myself for doing it. It's like there's a battle inside sometimes between what I think and how I feel and it can get so jumbled up and messy.
I feel like I'm spending so much time and energy focusing on my can'ts and they seem so overwhelming. I know it helps me to look at cans when can'ts feel huge so I've been working on this 'can' that I'd like to share here (sneak peek as I'm hoping to post progress pics in a crafty corner at some stage). It's another big blanket but a different design this time - a garden themed one.
I thought of you when my order (finally) arrived SunShower. Simple decisions seem really hard again so it's colour mash style. While it probably doesn't seem important to many, it feels important to me because it's something that will give me a feel good focus and help keep me going. It's one of the things I can do right now and it's definitely some bright in the dark. I started it on Friday and I'm flying along with it.
Loved the garden pretty @Teej, thank you 💚 Here's one from mine for you.
Not sure I've shared my little lizardy thingy here before. He makes me smile and, like you and your Bunnings plants, we have great conversations 😜
Alyssum really does benefit from surface watering @Former-Member and mine thanks you for that tip. Really glad to hear you're on your way up and out again too. That's awesome news. I am looking forward to catching up on your crafty, and other, happenings.
@Mazarita your rainbow lorikeet gave me a smile, thank you 🌈 Yesterday I took photos of the sunrise and was thinking of you wanting to send them to you. I wonder if it was around the same time. The sky at the front of the house was striped in bright orange and the sky from the backyard was speckled in pinks, like completely different skies.
The photos don't do it justice but it was really cool. It's been really foggy in the mornings here so the streetlights look like Narnia would feel I think. I love it.
@outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Snowie @Zoe7 big thanks. Lots ❤
I really, reeeeeeally want/need to get out of a bit of a pity party I'm putting on for myself before I get too settled here. Not sure I'm there yet but this is a little step out maybe. Thank you for your gentle nudges in the right direction. I hope you're all doing ok.
(And I'll try not to leave it so long between logging on next time to save us all from me posting a novel when I do 😞)

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Waiting for the images @CheerBear but wanted to let you know how wonderful it is to 'see' you here and you can write as many novels as you like CB - just soooooo great you posted!

...now I will wait for the images and read your 'novel' again...

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