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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
But leaky at that @CheerBear ..... and a bit smiley too ......
Hugs 💜
Heading Into church if anyone is looking for me ..... back later.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear💚💚💚💚💚
In response to: I'm in a nest
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hey @CheerBear i hear you too. There is part of me that is grateful I didn’t go through with the c link stuff but the reality is I really could have done with that stability now. I don’t get why you have to jump through hoops only to be told when you’ve done it that they now need you to jump through more hoops that you know will break and you are already exhausted and depleted.
I hear you via the school stuff. I wore lots of stuff re my kids school thinking that I had done them wrong. Secondary school is a whole different beast to primary school but what I know is that good kids rise to the top where ever they are. And if they don’t there are so many opportunities for them after.
*I am mindful of sharing lots of identifying information about them so have chronically edited it.
Thinking of you with all that you have on your plate. 💜🤗
In response to: I'm in a nest
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear💕🌈
In response to: I'm in a nest
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBearI have read this a few times and am awed by your strength and courage at continuing on despite all the roadblocks you have/are coming across along the way. I think all we want is to give our children all the opportunities they deserve and does pull at those heart strings when we cannot. But the main thinkg children need is love, which you are giving your children in bucket loads.
Am hearing you sweeting up hope the stuckness can be unstuck soon
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thank you so hugely much for hearing and replying @Catcakes@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Teej@outlander@Snowie and Maz again, as well as those under a like button.
@Catcakes thanks for being so encouraging of lid lifting and supportive when it happens. I get a feeling you've had many experiences that have been hard and I have a feeling you're pretty strong to have been through them. The packing fairies will come overnight I hope, because nothing packing is happening today after a redback encounter within 2 minutes of garaging. Shudder. We're going away for 5 days (I think - probably should check that!) and then will be somewhere else for a few. I wish I could share it as I have a feeling it would be something you'd enjoy (river/beach stuff). Your little emoji plant makes me smile ☺
@Former-Member so much 🙁 to buses and huge thanks for being here when I know here is hard. I am doing something at the moment that I am looking forward to hopefully showing you soon-ish (🐟🐠🐡 and I went hunting for just the right shade of colour this morning). If you catch a tag from me, and I hope it will be ok to tag you, that will be what it is. That's all 💚
@Teej thank you heaps for sharing what you did. It helps so much to hear the experiences of those with bigger fish than me, especially when they're wise and hope-filled. We live in somewhere my GP and housing worker described as a ghetto ("full ghetto" were the exact words of my GP and my housing worker went on about how places like this become places like this when systems operate as they do 🙁). I want to say what I see here daily, but I am scared of the wrong eyes catching that. It really can be, and is, scary though. We're looking at both private and out of zone public, and if I can get my s^%t together, they will have a chance at it. I'll get it together and then whatever happens I will try really hard to be ok with having done the best I can with what I have, as I genuinely believe we all do (writing this one as a note-to-self I think). Also, on Friday night I read your posts with massive "me too-ness". You helped me find my words and thank you for being you 💛
@outlander thank you for your rainbow reminder and for being here too. Hugs to you 💗 Hope your morning has been good for you @Faith-and-Hope.
@Snowie - tears. I think you're spot on in that all many/most of us want is to give our children those opportunities. When I read your post it reminded me that maybe no matter what I/we do or did for our littles and bigs, there will still be moments of questioning whether it was enough or whether we could have/should have done more. And it reminded me again, to maybe speak to myself the way I would speak to others a bit more right now. Thank you 💙
@Former-Member and @Former-Member - I meant to reply the other day but I couldn't (whirlpool stuff for me when I lid-off even a little sometimes). I heard and paid attention to your words and really appreciated them, thank you. SunShower thanks to redback encounters I am now happily sitting in the safety of a beanbag with a hook in my hand and I'm proud to say I am playing nicely 😊 I'm having a virtual piece of banana cake (which I'll eat if it is a virtual one). Craft hugs for one friend ❤ and bug hugs for another 🐜🐛 (just not spider ones)
Feeling very felt and very grateful for awesome listening eyes. Cheers all x
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBearI think we all question whether we do/have done enough for our children and whatever we do, we always seem to want to give them more. To protect them, to give them what we didn't have, to shield them from what they world can be like. That is natural for us all.
However your children will look back and not remember the posessions you brought them, but will remember the love, support, guidance and respect that you gave them.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear
Thankyou.
Hugs back and take care. Reading along when I can. I "get it".
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thank you @CheerBear ......
I struggle at times with whether O should have left a few years ago when I couldn’t get get help for my mr, worried about the affects on my baby dragons ...,, and then when my S2 spun out with an mi, and it was clear that D3 was struggling too, I wanted to blame myself ...... but here is the thing ...... the kids didn’t want to leave ...... and if I had tried to leave (under surveillance and tracking systems) there would have been a firestorm to survive ....., and I still believe, the kids still believe, that would have been worse.
I think we have to work with our decisions, believing they were for the best, because they were the path forward we saw at the time, and we needed to move forward ..... and recovery comes from moving forward .., so there it is .....
My S2 is recovering. My D3 is receiving support to recover. My mr’s situation is unsustainable as I have been repeatedly told ..... so onward and upwards we go, even if the path forward looks like a jungle maze.
Courage ..... faith ..... hope ..... I wish for us all.
💜💐💕
In response to: I'm in a nest
CatcakesSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @CheerBear, if I can share some of my experience with packing to take littles away, go minimalist, warm, dark colours, favourites. Minimalist in our family sometimes meant one had no undies, one needed 50cent shorts from op shop due to carsickness..... time at the beach/River is always worth it even if the packing fairies get a bit cranky 🌿🌸
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