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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, I just read you were hit by that c'link bus. Im not sure who gave them permission to be on the road but they should have their license revoked from causing so much carnage. Soap box rant. I hope today has been kinder. Thinking of you

💜🤗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Right you are @Phoenix_Rising. You, me @CheerBear @Former-Member will start the revolution - down with buses! We must print lots of pamphlets so we don't end up like Korg... and remember the only thing that does make sense is that nothing does make sense.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

SunShower coming here and being around people here really helps me. You really help, in lots of ways. Thank you 💗

Frog I have absolutely no idea what that clip is from, but it made me giggle. We need lots and lots of pamphlets I agree. ☺

Teej thank you for understanding also and I'm so with you with all of the above. I know you understand c-link buses well. This one was/is a carnage one and I am worried that it may have broken my rainbow glasses when it hit.

Today I have felt like I have had a very short fuse with bucket loads of explosive energy and no where to put it that has come even close to taking it away. It has been a struggle to keep thoughts and feelings from turning into self destructive actions, like knocking on the storm's door with a "bring it on because I am not afraid anymore". Which I am but banana brain likes to think it would be the lesser or the evils sometimes. Bright side is I can see that at least I guess. And in seeing a bright side maybe those glasses aren't completely smashed up after all. (I seriously annoy myself to no end :face_with_rolling_eyes:). I have a feeling you understand that kind of struggle against self-destruct maybe Teej.

I tried to do the prevention thing with a reach out to my psych message exactly as per the plan, a couple of days ago, but it has gone unanswered which is very ugh. I was frustrated (about everything) so I jumped on my bike today and loved the feeling of freedom it gave me. Another bright side maybe.

There's no reply needed. This is a venty spill and a little attempt to diffuse a implode/explode situation some more maybe (because everything else seemed to fail to do that today) It helps to spill a bit.

I am thinking of you bookish, lots. Hoping lots that today has not been really bad, but understanding how it might have been 💚

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi 👋 @CheerBear
Noticed you about, so dropping by to say, hello! 💜🌷
Haven’t been able to read much on here, but hoping you’re ok/ish.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member it's so nice to see you 💗🐝🐞🐛

Sending you and D oodles of this ❤ and some of this 🍰 (it's one of the best ones I've made)

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yummy! 💜
☕️ For the morning
@CheerBear

Sending 💜💜 to you too.
Haven’t many words tonight.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Understandable @Former-Member. ☕ for the morning too.

Night nest ❤

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nighty night @CheerBear 💜😘🌸

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear it shouldn't be this hard! It so so SO shouldn't be this hard. I so very VERY badly wish we could change the world right now!!!! Night. Tomorrow is a new day and we can get up and keep on keeping on. Yay for not living on Venus!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I don’t know where to post this. Sorry to dump stuff in the nest again. I just want to let anyone who may notice my absence know that I won’t be here for a while. The stuff that was happening at the beginning of the year that was making me feel really unsafe is happening again. I have too many real-life safety-stealing buses to deal with right now to be able to handle this as well. I know things are really hard at the moment for you @CheerBear, @Phoenix_Rising and Zoe7 and I feel really bad about the timing of needing to flee. As always, I am only a tag away if you need me (and please do), but otherwise I can’t be here for general floating-about-in-book-pod purposes.

Please look after yourselves and each other. You all matter. You all matter to me. 🌷💚

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