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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hear you @CheerBear .

I have a few BIG bones to pick with the designer of life if I ever get to meet them - I'll punch 'em in the nose first and talk later I reckon.

Hehe CB, people look at y'weird like if you wear a blanket out to the shops, but if y'crochet a mandala shawly thing with a hood 'nd sleeves, in something nice 'nd soft 'nd squishy, you can wear it and nobody thinks you're weird anymore, but really, underneath it, you're weirder than if it was a blanket 'cos you're hiding in plain sight. Just my twisted mind ...

May the day hold some pleasant moments for us all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest


@CheerBearwrote:

I'm wishing I could exchange my head and heart for ones that aren't so mine. This being a human with thoughts and feelings business is totally overrated sometimes. I keep asking my psych for a brain transplant but apparently that's not really a thing :face_with_rolling_eyes:

This one made me laugh (in a laugh-cry kind of way) @CheerBear. You have no idea how many times I have suggested this to my psychologist, only to get the same 'that's not a thing' answer. (Broken banana brains are so overrated.)

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh and thank YOU for everything, @CheerBear. It helped to know I wasn't alone in the big dark scary feelings. 💚 Thank you for being you and for being here. 🦄

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think there are a few of us ready wirh big bones to pick @Former-Member! I don't mind if people look at me like I'm weird, though the idea of hiding under a handmade mandala cape is very tempting. Terribly great influence 😉❤ Thank you for hearing me SunShower. You have awesome listening eyes.

I just downloaded the very same otter pic as you posted over there ➡️ to share with you @Former-Member 💚

It helped so much to know you knew and to know I wasn't totally alone, or that we were alone together maybe.

Sooooo overrated! :face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just proper laughed with a mouthful of coffee at seeing your banana head pic @Former-Member 😂 that felt good!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oops! Sorry about that, @CheerBear (the coffee-laugh combo, not the actual laugh). 🍌😁💚

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

*whispers into the nest* Other than happy tears earlier, I have had a really bad day. Breathing and being just shouldn’t be this hard. I don't know how many more buses I can take. (Sorry, sook over.)

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member hearing your quiet whisper. I am very sorry to hear you've had a really bad day.

I am with you (in a huge way as another c-link bus got me yesterday to the "I don't know how much more of them I can take" point too). It should not be this hard. It really, really should not.

Please talk if it helps. It's not sooking and there are listening eyes with big understanding and big caring around. If you don't want to talk, there are also magic hearing without words being needed, around too.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I am so sorry about c-link buses, @CheerBear. There are listening eyes here too if you need to/want to/can talk.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I can't share without throwing myself into a whirlpool at the moment. Thank you for offering to listen and the offer stands here @Former-Member. And I am a chicken.

Buses suck and make living hard.

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