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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear @Former-Member can I nest with you? I don't want to face the world. Take care friends.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Definitely @frog x

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Absolutely, @frog 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I don't know what to do and I don't think there's anything I can do. I feel completely helpless.

I want to say sorry, from the very bottom of my very broken heart, for things I said and didn't say and could have said and should have said. I know it's much bigger than that though. I feel tiny.

I want to push through it but it feels like swimming away and in the wrong direction. I worry that if I stop trying to swim I will sink and drown. So much feels not-right, right now.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I’m sorry you are feeling so helpless @CheerBear 😔
Go gently on yourself 🌸❤️🌿

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Helpless. Tiny. Sinking. Not-right. So much this, @CheerBear.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thinking of you @CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hold on @CheerBear let the everything flow right on by, hold onto the edge of the river until you can climb back up that bank again.

Sometimes, okay, lots of times, there is absolutely nothing we can do. Be still, allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel, and then let it flow away from you.

Wishing there was more I could do to help.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you for your kind words, and for noticing my absence yesterday @CheerBear. I do apologise for not manageing to drop by. 'As okay as can be' is fine, it says what is meant perfectly well to me anyway.

Pain was just too ever present yesterday to be able to do much of anything at all, unfortunately. Tensions and anxiety cause muscle spasms and that leads to further painful situations 'cos of other reasons.

Some days it's impossible to control the levels, so that's when all I can do is mitigate some of the future damage by resting. Most days I can put a mask on over it, some days I can't so I hide away so as not to spread the negative around.

I hope your pink fluffy blanket was comforting and kind. I have a white one - it's so soft and snuggly.

(((( @CheerBear ))))

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you lots.

I'm wishing I could exchange my head and heart for ones that aren't so mine. This being a human with thoughts and feelings business is totally overrated sometimes. I keep asking my psych for a brain transplant but apparently that's not really a thing :face_with_rolling_eyes:

@Former-Member sorry you had so much pain yesterday. The physical and mental pain cycle is very hard sometimes. You don't have to be sorry for not dropping by. I'm a big fan of blankets. I wear mine as a cape sometimes/lots.

@outlander thank you for your kitten feels last night - kittens are always good. @Pepsimax I hope today is ok for you. @Catcakes thinking of you often also, imagining things can be tricky sometimes/often. @Former-Member with you and thank you (for everything).
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