FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

4,571 - 4,580 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning nest

@Former-Member improving slightly each day until you get to boodiful, sounds like an ok way to be (it sounds great but I also think sometimes getting to boodiful without the hard between stuff would be great too). I hope the aircon filter cleaning went ok. I think I read it was a too short too high situation and I kind of shuddered - heights are not my thing. Re the work situation, not being able to talk, for whatever reason, when there's something you want or need to talk about, is a really not nice one. I'm sorry to hear you're not able to find someone to help you process the trauma. For me that would add even more to the not being able to talk thing 😔 Hugs sent your way, for a day that has something that feels and is good in it for you ❤
@Former-Member I'm sitting on a step at the moment, having my coffee and thinking of you. It's really cool here this morning and it's reminding me that snuggle up in the warmth of a beanbag, with a cup of tea and a cat (and a book if my head will allow it) weather, isn't far away. bookish weather isn't far away 💚
Thank you for taking the time and finding your brave for your update. I read your post and felt the very big and heavy. I very much wish that the bright side didn't have to be things like a GP finally clicking after seeing damage (so very much ugh), and an advocacy group potentially helping to fight a battle that really shouldn't be there in the first place (really, really shouldn't be there). As much as I would take having those bright sides over not having them, I wish the world wasn't so dark that bright becomes those things.
I'm sitting with you, with others I know care about you too, wanting so much for things to be different. I wish there was a huge stop sign for those buses. When they keep coming, and they come from all directions, it really is hard to get up and keep going.
Thinking of you often. You add meaning to a fight I am determined to continue having with the world, because it really shouldn't be so hard.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, thank you so much for getting it. Thank you for always getting it (although of course I wish you didn't know what it was like down here). 💚

I hope the day warms up for you and all that cool floats over this way. (Weather trading really needs to become a thing.) 🌤🌧🌷

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear you are such kind, thoughtful and caring person. Thank you for you lovely thoughts for me. Yeah, wouldn't it be loverly, loverly, if the hard stuff wasn't so hard and there wasn't so much of it.! Boodiful is still a ways off I think. I might take my resume with my 'proofs of employment' documents to the next (if there is ever a next) psychologist, to show that I was employed in that capacity and you don't need to know the details to be able to help me manage things.

It's an awful thing, but as I've gotten older, my work history is less and less believed because the MH conditions that came about from experiences both before and after entering that, and follow on, fields of work have piled on each other to make it seem like I"d never have been able to do that job in the first place. It's so frustrating.

You have your own situation that is also so unfair, so completely not right, and you are continuing to find workarounds to get to the goal/s you have in mind. Hugs for you too CheerBear, and thank you for the hugs you sent to me. Keeping on keeping on will often lead the way to a different door of opportunity.

Air con filter, well, how things have improved! Easy to clean once the lid was opened, yeah, heights are not my thing at all. *shakes head vehemently* FlatMate is taller and could do the tall person things so co-operation won the day there. Gosh it was a relief 'cos other wise I was considering having to get someone in to do it for me.

@Former-Member If I may say something. I really, really hear you about the anxiety getting in the way of doing sometimes the simplest of things. I wanted to write more but deleted it. I do not know you, but I feel for you and wish there was something we could do to make life better for all of us.

Thinking good wishes and trusting for better days ahead for those in the nest.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks, @Former-Member. Me too.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sending you hugs @Former-Member. Haven't seen you around today and hoping you're going as ok as you can be (which makes no sense at all but hopefully you know what I mean).

@Former-MemberI have a feeling you're feeling some similar feelings as I am feeling (so many feels here), though I might be wrong also. Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I'm going to take myself off to an early bed in a pink fluffy blanket after the kids have had dinner but before I head back out for the night I wanted to drop you off a bucket of these 💚🐱

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

You're not wrong, @CheerBear. I'm drowning in very big feels here.

Sending you lots of these 💚🐱🌈 and hoping a blanket burrito helps a teeny tiny bit.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear@Former-Memberim sorry things are tough for you both am but i hope these little cutties bring even a small smile or abit of joy to your day. hugs

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @outlander. 🌷

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Very much so @Former-Member

😔
4,571 - 4,580 of 5,090