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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
I disappeared to sort dinner (one baby dragon slept through it) and grabbed a shower .... it was so hot here today. That might help me sleep.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I'm still up, had a bit of an emergency, but it's all okay now. Stupid friend was arrested for d&d.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Morning nest ☺
Ducking in quickly to say that I hope your tea felt good @Former-Member and that you are ok after the friend situation.
I did a quick look around to see whether your bump quote was from where I thought it was. It was. A whole lot of related quotes came up about the idea that 'there must be a better way'. I think that and versions of that about myself and my life stuff all the time. Was cool to see it in Pooh picture form this morning.
👋 to all. Sending hopes for good in today to everyone.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @CheerBear, Tea was fantastic and coffee right now is even better! Teddy is super happy that he's no longer being dragged down the stairs behind me. Hope everyone in the nest is good.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning @Former-Member@CheerBear@Catcakes and anyone else in the nest today. I super hope your day has some good in it.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CatcakesSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Phoenix_Rising, Hope your day goes well too. Already in the city hospital sorting out my partner’s woes. That means lots of waiting around. Mountains of washing waiting for me at home, a dog to walk and Mum to visit 😬
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Wishing you courage and patience @Catcakes ....,,,
💜
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Good morning in the nest
I'm sitting at my little coffee spot after waking up with an early 5ish "must do all the things now" jolt, so I guess I am returning back to my normal a bit 😉
I had a frustrating day yesterday as I tried to work on some of my plan to help stop me from getting to the dark and twisty place again, and I didn't get very far. I wanted to find some support options re the little fish to have in place that could ease the heaviness of the load a bit when I am struggling and before I hit sinking. Like a time out before it gets to crisis point rather than having to scramble for it hoping it is there, during a crisis. I found myself in a gap in the system, hating that I am a not a superhuman I'm just a regular human, and seriously missing out village. We had a great village.
I kept pushing through the frustrated feelings to look around at what's out there and I felt like I was bounced all over the place. I hit websites from organisations that really should have an awareness of the challenges people face navigating the systems and not make it harder for them, and I ended up on what felt like a wild goose chase. I despise how confusing and difficult it can be to find supportive support. I really get so annoyed when it seems like I am doing everything I can and it's still not enough.
What good is resilience without resources? It's an ugly question but it's what I ponder when I feel like that. I ask it sooooo often to myself. I think the people I have met in my life who struggle the most, often aren't struggling because of a lack of resilience, they struggle because of a lack of resources. We need better resources.
I could go on about that one forever, but I won't. I did want to vent it before starting my day with the littles because it eats me up when it is stuck inside. One of mine has been sick so we haven't been able to do much of anything but they started feeling a bit better yesterday afternoon so hopefully we can head out today and do something. It looks like a nice weather day ahead too which will be good ☺
Hope there's ok/good in the day for anyone reading.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear I am super hearing you regarding resources!!!! I super wish we could live on a gigantic property together-but-not and then I could look after the LF for you when you needed a break. Of course, my "looking after" would look like the LF staying up all night, eating chocolate for every meal and not bothering with boring things like daily baths and teeth brushing, but hey, they would have fun!
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