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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope,
that actually makes me feel a lot better.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear,
That’s very kind of you.
That crochet hook is tiny!
I hope your eyesight is good 🤓

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I am also guilty @Former-Member of “liking” even when a member is being negative about themselves but I’m hoping it means ...”I hear you”
I try to pair it with an encouraging comment though 😔

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear. I hope today is being kind to you. I’m glad my post last night made you feel felt and understood. So often, especially lately, I have trouble articulating my feelings and responses to things and I worry so much about saying the wrong thing inadvertently, simply because I’m unable to even structure a sentence. I’m glad I got it right last night. Your soundtrack and strings gave me warm fuzzies of my own. Thank you. 💚🎶

I'm having a really not good day (in addition to and aside from the housing bus) but I’m trying to do a tiny ‘speak up’ thing because it really shouldn’t be this hard to breathe. I doubt it will change anything but it felt very not okay, and not saying anything felt even more not okay.

I’m going to go and listen to strings now. I hope the right things are happening for you today, @CheerBear. 🦄 🌈

Hi to anyone else in the nest. I hope today is being kind to you all. 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope you can find a way to feel calmer @Former-Member ..... I can chat if you need 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member. My "got off to a good start" day sort of stopped there in a 'really didn't see that coming' way. I've spent my day in bed, which has been right. I'm not really here right now but I also totally believe in the importance of hearing and responding to people who speak up, especially when speaking up can feel so hard and so not ok.
I hear you bookish and am with you. My words feel funny so I will borrow someone else's.
"Hey. I know what it's like down here. And you're not alone."
💚

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you, @CheerBear. That really means more than I can say. 💚 I’m sorry your day went wonky. 🙁 I’m glad bed was right (and do-able without three). I really hope you can sleep tonight and that tomorrow is a day with less tricky. Thank you for being you, @CheerBear. 🦄

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I am not really here. I simply have nothing left in the tank right now.

@CheerBear I am glad we can be together-but-not in our respective giant muddles. Our muddles seem to have synchronized at the moment, so I guess we will just have to talk without talking, and know without knowing, and understand without...actually I think we do always understand each other.

@Former-Member Super good job on speaking up. It can be so tricky, but it's so super important.

@Former-Member I feel sad that you are super struggling in so many ways at the moment and that the muddles of Forum Land are complicating things further. I want to echo what @Faith-and-Hope said. I too am dialoguing quite a lot behind the scenes. Things are super tricky at the moment, but even super giant muddles can be unmuddled in time.

Hi @Catcakes I'm super glad you pushed through the super challenge of those first few steps into Forum Land.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising,
I’m glad I’m still able to be here too even though sometimes it puzzles me a lot.
I also have had words @Former-Member when I have felt things weren’t right.
Every day when driving home I drive past a large sea turtle and think of you.
I really appreciate what you’re doing for everyone in the DBT thread, no matter if you can’t write for it atm.
There’s enough there to dip in and out of anyway.
I’m so tired tonight, emotionally exhausting day 😔
Take care 🌻

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @Catcakes @CheerBear @Former-Member @Former-Member and anyone else who is in the nest at the moment.

@CheerBear, just reminding you that I'm snuggled in your pocket while you work so super hard at sitting with your current muddle. I super hope that your quiet fish-free time is helping. Your GP sounds very cool - yay for helpful helping people! I have been reading all your posts, but of course now I can't remember the details so this response is somewhat lacking. However, I remember enough to know you are sitting with a super sized muddle and trying not to complicate it further with unhelpful coping strategies. I am right there with you, cheering you on.

@Former-Member Your housing adventure does not sound fun at all. I super super super hope you are able to find another place super soon.

I hope everyone's day has some good in it.

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