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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

True..🤔🤔

about elephants and whales. Hmmmm... showing my ignorance here.

my ,

’baby’with the scoliosis is about to submit his thesis , he’s a Maine biology.

when he visits I notice he stretches a lot, lies on the floor and eats a lot 😜

i guess I will try a physio because stretch and massage ( although nice) isn’t changing anything.

when my son was tiny I noticed he had a crooked crack ( deviated post natal crack )

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

"when he visits I notice he stretches a lot, lies on the floor and eats a lot"

What an interesting species of primate he must be! he he he he Is he doing honours or a PhD.

Either way, that's a huge achievement. He must be pretty smart, and you must be pretty proud of him.

I presume he wants to work as a marine biologist now that he's finished?

Physio is like 'crack' to me. They are amazing!

I have this saying that physios and psychologists have to be the nicest, most friendly people on the planet - cause otherwise you'd punch them in the face after what they do to you!

"deviated post natal crack" - I had to look that up. Interesting! Can i ask what treatment they did for him? Everyone I know who had scoliosis had it higher up the back.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think I'm going to try and sleep now.
I've got to find some reason for my existence.
Being alive, just cause I'm scared isn't really a great way of being.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Lucky you re: feeling stoned ( the other emotions not so lucky😒)

ive been on the wagon for 8 days.....

ive enjoyed chatting to you @Former-Member.

youre not keeping me up at all..... I’m listening out for an 18 yr old coming home.

He,s my baby.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

You’ll get through this @Former-Member, I know it sucks but there will be ok moments again. Kind of feel the same tonight about my existence but I’m holding on to it will pass and I’ll go through this again lots before it happens less. Sending hugs. Well done you too for the dinosaur distraction.

PS I swear in my head A LOT especially during PMS. It’s when I know I’m pre menstrual. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

He.s doing PHD @Former-Member

I’ll tell you about it another day but yes after 9 years of study , a job would be good.

i am very proud of him, he’s a really nice human being.

sleep well and ask me another time about the thesis.😁

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Psst..@5-HT
I was just joshing about not swearing
But you did well 😜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest

Seems like yesterday had some (lots) of tricky for many.
@Former-Member your post last night made me feel so felt and so understood. Thank you so much. I went out this morning and had a suitable soundtrack on (of course). There's a song with strings that reminds me of you every time I hear it, and makes me feel all the same kinds of warm fuzzies I get from feeling felt. Just wanted to say that. I understand the this, that, ugh with needing a house fast but wanting it to be decent-enough. Very tricky.
@Former-Member I really hope you stay but understand also why you may not think it is right for you too. I think you're awesome 5-HT and I really appreciate your honest perspective. I broke my self-imposed craft shop ban today and entered the world of itty bitty thread yarns. I wanted to show you this
The hook on the left is the one I use most of the time and the one on the right is where I plan to start with learning micro though the hook sizes they use drop three times smaller again.
@Catcakes - your posts to 5-ht made me smile when I read over them. I'm glad you stuck around also.
Hi to @Faith-and-Hope. Your presence around the forum so often feels like your name. Thank you for that. Same with the warmth I feel when I see you about @Teej.
I slept last night which was amazing. I got up this morning and went on an adventure to collect supplies for a new crochet challenge (as above) which is either going to work well or will end in me chopping it up today, but I thought it might be a good day to try something not-new-but-new.
I also picked up a mango as I have set myself another challenge to become one with a mango and see whether those skills can help with this cycle @Phoenix_Rising. I'm conducting an experiment and if I can I might write about it over on the DBT thread later. Ditto times a bazillion to your post about being grateful for a not-friend.
I'm sitting in the garden on a blanket and about to start gently (or trying to do gently) tackling my little challenges. It's peaceful which is nice.
I really hope today has something good in it for everyone.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

SO EVEN YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE @CheerBear...
THANKS.
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

THE MODERATION OF THESE FORUMS IS WRONG AND HAS DOUBLE STANDARDS
I BELIEVE I WAS UNFAIRLY TARGETED.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF POSTS OUT THERE THAT VIOLATE THEIR GUIDELINES BUT THEY ARE NOT REJECTED
BUT MINE ARE

DO YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE MEMBERS OUT THERE THAT HAVE GONE THROUGH PAST POSTS OF MINE AND 'LIKED' EVERY SELF DEROGATORY AND SELF NEGATIVE COMMENT I'VE MADE.
ARE THEY MODERATED. NO.
JUST ME.
WHEN I'M HAVING A SUPER BAD TIME AND NEED SUPPORT.
WHAT IS THE POINT
NO ONE GIVES A CRAP.
NO ONE CARES
I JUST DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO COMMIT SUICIDE SO I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS CRAP.

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE GET ALL THE CRAP AND OTHERS NOTHING
IT'S NOT FAIR

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Not all @Former-Member. The exact opposite of wanting you to leave 🙁 I'm so sorry if what I said gave you that impression
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