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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Do you feel like that’s what you need to get yourself in a better place? (Potential tomorrow decision, I mean.) If so, I hope it happens. If not, I hope another solution is found. Are your LF in the right place (ie., can they stay) if it does happen tomorrow?

I wish meds worked for me (and sleep and eating). I really hope you can get back to a regular level of snowflake-ness soon. 💚

I’m lucky that my lease here ended just before Christmas, so I’m not tied in to being here. I am SO glad I didn’t sign a new one. Mind you, that should have been a giveaway that something was up because the previous year they just sent me a new lease without even speaking to me. This year, all was quiet until the roar of the housing bus.

P.S. I laughed at your semi face palm, because right?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I feel like I need a break longer than a night @Former-Member and I hate saying that 🙁 They are right where they should be if that was needed but it would cause some upset. Maybe another couple of nights here could be enough, I don't know. I'll work something out I'm sure.

Regular level of snowflakiness made me laugh cry thank you 💚

You listened to your gut with the house bookish and you knew something was not right and probably coming. If nothing else, that gut thing is huge.

Total face palm!

I'm going to head off and see if a shower might help. Thanks so so much for being here and for listening and sharing.

And thanks to 5-ht, teej and faith-and-hope who I have felt here too. And the turtle who I know is here even when she isn't.

Hoping tomorrow goes... no words. Oh except to share that I *may* have positioned my tablet subtly in the corner of the room with some not at all appropriate for housing photo quotes to sneak into the photos as my quite little 'grrr to this whole thing'. It didn't change it but it made me laugh. It's an option if you want it 😁

You got this bookish 💚

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you so so much for being you and for getting it, @CheerBear. I have no idea how you do messy head plus three—I struggle with just an Edie. Please don’t feel bad for needing more than a night. I really hope whatever you need is what happens. And I hope the shower helps and that you manage some sleep (or at least rest) later.

You’ve got this CheerBear. 💚🦄

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, Just reminding you that I am sitting with you in your stuckness and empty tankness. I super wish I had a magic wand to help with sleeping and eating muddles. I also wish I had a magic wand to help with housing bus muddles @Former-Member and money/job muddles @Former-Member.

I have no experience at all of eating muddles (giggle - that is a very ambiguous statement and now I have a super funny picture in my brain of people sitting down to eat muddles ). I'm not too sure what your eating muddle looks like CheerBear, but that's ok. I don't need to know what it looks like in order to sit with you through it.

I am very much thinking of you today @CheerBear @Former-Member and @Former-Member.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think I just got kicked out of one of my courses at uni cause my GPA was too low.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh no @Former-Member .... the whole course, or a unit ?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

WHOLE COURSE!
I'm enrolled in a BA, Grad Dip and another Grad Dip and I got kicked out of the grad dip (I think!???!)
What am I going to do?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Go to Admin armed with documents that support your mi and ask for another chance.

Youre not operating on an even playing field Hon ....., go fight for your place ...... ❣️

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I knew it was coming as I didn't get my special consideration in, in time last semester and I was prepared to fight them kicking me out, but I can't even get into the library to print off my medical certificates to fight. They haven't even sent me an email to tell me I'm kicked out. They've just cut off my access to buildings without telling me!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That super super super sucks @Former-Member. Are you sure it isn't that your student card has expired or something like that? When I was doing some casual work at a uni I had to get a new staff card every year and then take it to security so they could do some magic thing to enable me to access rooms.

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