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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,
I'm not really lonely, I don't get lonely that often, and I do have a small bunch of wonderful friends.
It's more like I'm okay with 50% closeness, but any closer and NO! RUN AWAY! NOW! No closeness for 5-HT.
I'm a massive introvert and love my alone time, but I also love my friends and being with them.
I guess I would really love the idea of a family. I guess that would be one of my major goals in life. I would really really like it. But I can't do relationships and I'm far far too emotionally f'ed up to bring up children.
So basically the hardest thing in the world for me to do is have a family, and it's one of the things I want most in the world. But on a practical aspect, it SCARES ME SOOOOOO MUCH! SO MUCH!
Being close to someone is a no-no for me and I like the idea of it, but I cannot and wil not do it. It's painful and impossible for me to do.
I would see my closest emotional attachment being teddy as my biggest personal failure. A failure at life and living. It's something almost everyone else can do, but I can't And I only get one life, it's not like I can come back and do it again and experieince it another time. I want that experience before I cease to exist.
And it's so F**KING UNFAIR that it's like this. What did I do wrong to become like this?!?! Why must I have so many f**king difficulties in my life. What have I done wrong. What's wrong with me?
If I can't have a family, if I can't become a good, real person. I have no option but to do it. I coldn't live with reality if that was the case.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Such beautiful , heartfelt thoughts and feelings @Former-Member.
Very honest, emotional and painful.
I just want you to know, I read it twice it was so beautiful.
I wish life wasn’t unfair to you as well 🐻

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Catcakes, much appreciated.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Me too ❣️

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi in the nest.

Anxiety massively sucks. I have had a mega huge increase in it over the last few days and after royally stuffing around with sleep and eating, it has now made a right mess of an already mashed banana brain. It's so intense and so completely physically and mentally exhausting. I wish there was an off switch for tricky heads sometimes 😞 I have a feeling that wish would be shared by a few here on the forum.
I am popping in tonight even though it is way past when I should be on the forum (I can't sleep) as a way of challenging anxious banana brain, and to say hi. Thank you to those who make it impossible to disconnect from the bigger world entirely, in the nicest way. There are lots of you around.
@Maggie thank you for sharing what you did yesterday. You really do understand Maggie. I am so sorry that you have been through what you have 😞 I hope you are doing ok enough and that your tomorrow sunrise is a colourful one ❤
@Former-Member 💚 Housing buses truly majorly enormously suck. So, so much. I really hugely hope you are as ok as you can be while it is happening. Myself, Noodle and Mouse are sending our biggest thoughts and best wishes to you and Edie-Cat the furry fish. Thank you for popping by. You gave me smiles when I didn't think I had much to smile about.
@Former-Member I haven't really caught up with much but I did catch that you are thinking of taking teddy around with you some more. I have this general kind of idea thingy (my words are not working well) that I think we should all be free to do whatever it is we want to do and be however it is we want to be, provided it doesn't hurt anyone. I use it when I wear zombie unicorns, get my hair done how it is, add rainbow glitter boots to my biggest want of the year list, carry a pocket of crocheted creatures everywhere and wrap myself up in a blanket like a burrito. I don't know if it is helpful for you, but I wanted to share it. I too read your above post, and heard and felt along. I agree with @catcakes in wishing life wasn't so unfair for you.
Hi to @Catcakes also. I understand that it can be hard to find a place for a soothing calm chat sometimes, especially when the forum is busy. I am wondering whether there is a thread that is a soothing calm chat kind of thread and if not, whether that could be a useful space to add? What do you think (no pressure at all, just curious to know your thoughts)? Very much hearing you about the extra difficulty with the time of the year. I really like your new avatar 🙂
Waving to @Phoenix_Rising (who I am about to say a quick hi to over that way ----> ) and @Faith-and-Hope and all before I head off again hoping sleep may be a bit easier for beating this one trick anxiety tried to play on me.
Hope there's ok-enough happening for all (good is a bit of a stretch for me tonight 😉 )
Night.
(take that anxiety :D)

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear for the mention.
Well done for telling your anxiety that you’re bigger than it and I reckon smarter too.
What movie did you see?
If it was the one with Huge Ackman, weren’t the costumes wonderful?
I don’t think I’ll start a thread for calm, soothing chats.... I’m just going to try and carry calm, soothing ness with me wherever I go because that’s what I need at the moment in my life.
👋🏼❤️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi nesters,
I'm hiding and stressing out cause I think my parents are mad at me. It could be any one of 100's of things I do that they wouldn't like and I lie to them about.
I don't think I can handle the stress of living with them anymore. I need to get a job and move out. ASAP!
I just can't cope with feeling so stressed and on edge and hiding everything all the time.
Sigh.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member. Hiding and being on edge at home is not a nice feeling at all!

I don't think I could have lived at home with my parents for much longer than I did.

Hope you've got something nice/distracting/feel good etc with you while you're in hiding?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm looking for jobs and places to live.
I wish I could move out tomorrow!!!!!
I HATE feeling on edge all the time, I can't relax for a second cause there is always someone at home with me. Urgh!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hate feeling on edge all the time too @Former-Member. It makes a mess of things!

I have read that you've been thinking about moving for a little while. Have my fingers crossed for you that you'll be able to soon.

Does anyone else live there with you and your parents?
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