FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

3,921 - 3,930 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

HIya @Faith-and-Hope,
I've tried to keep up with all your goings on, both on and off the forum, but you're a very active and social little F&H!
How was your day and your Dad and your swim?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm glad you've had an ok day @Former-Member. Have you had a break from therapy over the Christmas period? I am super looking forward to my second session with TTT next Thursday. I am super hoping that once I start seeing her regularly, things will settle down a bit in my world.

Hey, being the science-y person that you are, have you seen one of these before:

TTT has one in her office. When I had my super meltdown last session (about one minute after meeting TTT), she gave me this to play with. I super like having a therapist who has cool toys in her office!

Do you take teddy with you to your sessions? Turtle comes to my sessions, and in TTT's office he gets to hang out with her weighted toy and her teddy bear.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hahaha ..... you’ve got that much @Former-Member ......

The forums have been a bit manic today .......

My hair is scary now ..... lol ..... but the water was lovely. I can tell my Dad in enjoying having me here. I have been chillin’ a bit while he is running errands in town, so keeping an eye on what is happening around here ...... and hoping to help a bit. A lot of turbulence around at the mo .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

No I've never seen one of those @Phoenix_Rising - what is it?
I don't take teddy with me. This is going to sound really bad, so I apologise if I offend someone. But I'm too embarassed and ashamed about teddy. And I don't want to look sicker than I already do. So when I'm in hospital - no teddy for me.
But I've been wanting to take him the last few weeks, kinda as a safety blanket. But I, again, don't want to look like a weirdo.
P.S. I love my teddy!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

There sure is turbulence @Faith-and-Hope...
It’s a tricky time of year with psychs on holiday. It’s when you need some support until usual appointments/activities start up.
My Mum has been at my sister’s beach house but back today and some hard conversations need to be had.
It’s hard to know where to look on the Forum for a soothing, calm chat.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member I learnt from google that TTT's cool toy is called a hand boiler and apparently it demonstrates Charles' law. You hold it and the heat from your hand causes the gas to heat up and expand, thus pushing the liquid up through the tube to the top.

It's ok that you feel too embarressed to take teddy out and about with you. I take turtle to my therapy sessions and I also take him with me on the extremely rare occassions I need to stay overnight somewhere. He always comes to hospital with me. I'm ok with looking weird. I already know I am weird so I may as well look the part.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

The thing is @Phoenix_Rising......
I'm scared I'm going to live my life where my closest emotional attachement is with my soft-toy. I'm soooooo very terrified of real human relationships, Getting close to someone hurts me sooooo much. I just can't do it.
I literally RUN AWAY! everytime someone gets close. I can't even talk on the phone to people cause I find that to emotionally confronting.
But teddy is there for me, always.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a teddy.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Let’s just keep on keeping on here @Catcakes and see if we can help even out some of it as we go ......

Hope you’re okay with your irl hard convos .....

💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member I am heading out of Forum Land now, but I just wanted to quickly respond. Is it that you want a human relationship but feel scared at the same time, or is it that you don't want one but feel that you "should" because that is the social norm?

I used to be excruciatingly lonely, but I seem to have moved beyond that now. My desire for human contact seems to be decreasing by the day. It truly feels like since my turtle whisperer dumped me, my soul has died. I am 40 years old and I have no expectation of having any sort of close interpersonal relationship...and I'm ok with that.

What do you find scary about the idea that your closest attachment may be to your soft toy?

And on that note, turtle and I are heading off to bed.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thinking of you, @CheerBear, and sending you all the very best good there is. 💚

3,921 - 3,930 of 5,090