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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear i read your post on the other thread about your friend contacting you. I can imagine how good that felt. The closest I have to understanding just a small bit of how life is for you, is when I left the convent. Not allowed to say goodbye to anyone, nor make contact again. Just like I never existed in their lives. Yet on entering, I became non existent in the world I left behind, not allowed to see, or rarely see anyone I knew. It's a strange world.

The short stories were good. You mentioned a struggle with one LF and the support of a stranger, what a difference it makes. That reminded me of when I had my foster daughter, we were banned from church crèche because five minutes after we arrived, every baby was screaming. Kicked out of church at three mths old must be a record. She's in her thirties now, I wonder how her lungs are today, they were working very well back then.

I hope today brings some little surprises your way. Have as good a one as you can. 💜💕🐾

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Durr, re above post. I have no idea what it's like for you, sorry for the lame attempt at understanding. Ugh!!!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, I really hope you are okay (or at least as okayish as you can be). 🦄

@Phoenix_Rising, I hope you feel a little less stuck in the stuckness tomorrow. 🐢

I got big-time squished by a housing bus this morning—for really real this time. Not sure how much I’ll around now, with bus issues on top of the not fun stuff happening here, but please know that I am here even when I’m not. (And if you tag me I will answer as soon as my brain can manage it.)

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member ......

Just wanted to jump in here and let you know that from what I have read, many other people feel the way you do. These feelings are associated with particular disorders, which means it’s a “normal” state of thinking, feeling, being, for some people.

I will try to look up the particular conditions that what you are describing are associated with, and see whether that fits with what your therapist is saying, or other life experiences you have had.

It won’t change the way we feel about you @Former-Member ..... and I am speaking for myself and others here, because others here will very likely pipe up and say the same thing. You are a valid part of our community no matter how you feel about yourself. You have a place here that’s yours.

💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, I'd really appreciate that.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Anyone in the nest?
This little dinosaur is snuggled up in the nest with her teddy.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening @Former-Member, good evening 5-HT's teddy. How has your day been 5-HT?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's been okay.
Had lunch with my p's and some of their friends who I practically grew up with their kids. Been okay-ish. Stressing about some stuff and going back to therapy on Tuesday.
How are you today @Phoenix_Rising?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

👋 @Former-Member .....
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