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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Maggie and anyone else who has been watching this grow.

I finished the wreath bit and added the ruffles Maggie. I did the ruffles in a different colour to the rest of the round. Juggling two colours is a trick I learned last blanket and it's fun to get right!

This one kind of shows the texture of it which is what I like the most about the type of crochet this is (overlay) and the colours are probably the most true in this photo.

And here she is after part 15/18.

This was a high step ladder to take the photo job. So big now!

What's left is the border now which is large and detailed so it will take a while, but it feels great to get this far! Not off to a great start on the border after I had to unravel about 500 stitches yesterday that I had made slightly too far one way :face_with_rolling_eyes:) but it's purples and pinks and going to be pretty.

☺

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Thankyou so much for those pic. I have never seen such detailed crochet before, along with the use of colours. It's truly amaZing. Is there anywhere you can enter it in a compitition???? 🐾🐾💕💕💜💜💛💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @Maggie @CheerBear. Wonderful work @CheerBear your blankets are really amazing. @Maggie I hope the appointment is ok. I have to go to work today but I really want to stay in a nest. I also have to have a mammogram after work which is never fun, and quite anxiety provoking - had a scare last year but it was alright in the end. Take care and hope there are some positives for you today.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Maggie ☺ I have loved making it (and the other) and seeing what can come of one hook and some yarn! My mind explodes with possibilities now I really understand the way things can be created through crochet.

I wouldn't enter it for a couple of reasons. One is that lots of people have made them. There are the most amazing videos and patterns to follow that with patience and persistence, they make it not really that hard to do. The other is that my life of hiding doesn't really allow for things like competitions and it would scare me. I've only shared it here and here is great 😊. I've really appreciated being able to post photos of it growing and have wonderful people like you, see it! Thank you 💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hiya @frog and thank you also ☺ Hope work and your appointment aren't too hard. That sucks lots 🙁 Also hope you're feeling a little better after not feeling well.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just WOW, @CheerBear, with your rug. It's so beautiful.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Wow @CheerBear you are super talented, love the colours through that.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Wow @CheerBear thats amazing! Well done! Lots of time and patience have fone into this and its beautiful ❤

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon in the nest,

I am catching up on about fifty thousand notifications so HOPEFULLY I won't miss anything...

@Former-Member I read over there --> that you were stressing out last night that someone had broken into your house. That is super scary. How are you feeling about it this morning? I have had my house broken into once and it left me super shaken for weeks afterwards. I've also had times where I thought my house had been broken into because I couldn't find my wallet. Either way, I get how superly duperly scary it is.

I don't know heaps about the conversational model of therapy. I know it is one of the types of therapies that is highly recommended for people with BPD and to be honest, I think TTT draws quite heavily on it just from the little bit I know of her right now. I haven't asked her what specific models of therapy she uses - I just know that she takes a psychodynamic approach and has a super strong understanding of complex trauma and attachment-related issues.

I have actually had several people suggest to me that I attend a program near me. The reason I won't is because it is headed up by a psychiatrist who threw me out of her office five minutes into our second session back in 1997. I then engaged in an extremely high risk behaviour on my way home from that appointment. This person seems to have quite a high profile in the area of researching the conversational model of therapy because I often come across her name in the peer reviewed literature on the topic. Every time I see her name, I get the urge to go and knock on her door and say "remember me? What the hell were you thinking that day!!!!"

I am curious to understand more about what you mean when you say you don't think you are a real person @Former-Member. What do you mean by "real" (only if you want to share). You also mentioned that you are hoping therapy will make you a "good" person. What do you mean by "good" (again, only if you want to share).

I find emailing a therapist super helpful. I know I communicate much better in writing than in person. TTT has said I can email her once a week which works super well for me.

Hi @Maggie, We got talking about attachment stuff out on the ocean. The book I suggested to @Former-Member and @Former-Member is called Attachment in adulthood: structure, dynamics and change. It is by Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver. I have the first edition (2007) but apparently a new edition came out just a few weeks ago.

@CheerBear your blanket is SO AMAZING!!!!!! It looks HUGE!!!! I think you are so super super super clever.

Hi @frog I hope the mammogram goes ok. Those sorts of adventures aren't fun...but super important in terms of taking care of yourself. I always feel anxious before such adventures, but afterwards I feel super clever and brave for having got through it. I hope you get that sort of "well done me" feeling afterwards.

Ok, I THINK that's everyone I needed to say hello to in the nest. I super hope I haven't missed anyone!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello to all in the nest. 🌷

@CheerBear, your blanket is almost as amazing as you are. 🌈 🦄 You really are super clever (watching a youtube video is one thing, but putting it into practice and totally pulling it off is quite another). 💚

@Phoenix_Rising, I’m glad it’s world-starts-getting-back-to-normal day. 😊

I’ve really missed you both.

I am finding it tricky to be here, so I’m going to try to step back a bit (yes, I know, wasn’t I doing that already?). That said, I am only a tag away if anyone is feeling like some bookish company would be helpful (even though my brain tells me, very loudly, that no one would ever find that helpful). Feeling totally alone is super hard and I wish no one ever had to feel that way.

I really hope things start to get better and feel safer soon (here and everywhere). I need and want to be here (in Forum Land), but being here is making it harder to continue to ‘be’ (in general/of the world).

Take care, everyone. 🌷

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