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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Teej Hi (big smile seeing you as always) and thank you heaps 😊 Not lots of words, but lots of big warm fuzzies reading your post, thank you. (And a remote control helicopter that hit my head as I was reading it and made me laugh wondering how many times you were hit by flying/driving/crashing toys with your little sharks).

I really hope 2018 is a year full of good things for you Teej 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just quickly wanted to respond @CheerBear After I hit post I started to think how arrogant my post was to you. I’m finding it hard to get thoughts out. I think after reading your post I realised that the passage of time has changed lots for me. My life is now very much looking more forward than back but it’s taken years for me not to be caught up with the past too. That said I haven’t come close to dealing with the trauma you have. I think in a nutshell I have this quiet confidence that things will change and a life will appear and one day you’ll realise it has. It’s such a gradual process......with lots of banana brain involved unfortunately. I hope my predictions for a bright future for you and LF come true.

And yes I remember lots of those kind of occasions with flying things or water spraying things or nerf things or goo flying from nowhere......or water balloons that my kids had a huge phase of. 😃 Enjoy these moments. Strangely for me the weirdest stuff sticks in your head about your kids. I think I have volumes of toilet humour ingrained after what was always an ongoing thing in our house, the four of them sitting around a table cracking jokes and making noises. Who knew bodily functions would be such a huge form of entertainment. 😜

edit * the arrogant part was that it sounded like I have my life together now but I haven’t. I think for the most part I’ve managed to move on from much of my past but the personality disorder dysfunctional parts of me still need LOTS of work.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I haven't ever taken any of your posts as anything other than coming from a place of understanding, empathy, care, warmth, encouragement etc @Teej ☺ I know you have struggled with second guessing things you write sometimes but from where I am, you have no need to. I read your post picking up on the change in your life as you head forward and it gave me a "Go Teej" feeling. Hearing and seeing the bits I do of where you are at the moment is hope and that's so SO cool.

Your table of four and toilet humour sounds like those moments that I hold on to (even if they can be annoying and so not funny but actually funny!) One of mine is starting to realise how much they can seriously stuff around with two (and me) and I find it very hard not to laugh often 😆 It's a circus sometimes, but an entertaining one!

Hugs for you for being you Teej 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just a flyby @CheerBear - just wanted to show you the dinosaur and mammoth I'm sewing tonight.

I'm trying to decide which little person I will give them to. But it makes me think of your LF.

Hope everything is good in the nest tonight!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I love them already and I can't even see them @Former-Member! Hope you got through the day ok and that you enjoy your sewing tonight! ☺

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening @CheerBear @Former-Member @Teej @Maggie @Former-Member and anyone else floating around in the nest.

@CheerBear I super liked your comment that now we are at Friday, it is almost like just a long weekend until the 2nd. I was wondering if Friday Feast would be happening tonight, but I decided I wasn't comfortable being there without a regular moderator. I know, I know, weird attachment stuff...

I super enjoyed reading about your adventure of last night. Now, let me draw on my vast experience of zero partner-type relationships to give you my expert opinion on the matter. Um...er...nope...I've got nothing. Phew, good thing you can trust your own inside to tell you whether the not-ok feeling is due to it really being not ok.

It has been another peaceful day in my world. Yay for clever brains that can make obliterated souls painless.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just saw them @Former-Member! They're awesome!!! Thank you for sharing them here ☺

Hi @Phoenix_Rising ☺ Yay for seeing you! Your post made me giggle a bit as I thought maybe there would be a bit of um... er... nope if/when you got to my adventure.

I had the most incredibly unhelpful conversation with a helping person on the phone today as I tried to work it out. There is broken everywhere and it sucks. I missed my life jacket a lot after it.

Glad your day was peaceful. Painless sounds good (and I have such a grrrrr that your soul has been obliterated in the way it has).

3 days to go! (I could work that out on one hand 😉)

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Ooooh @Former-Member I just saw your pictures too. Sewing a dinosaur and a mammoth sounds like fun!

@CheerBear Unhelpful conversations with unhelpful helping people are so...well...unhelpful! It sounds like maybe they were clueless but pretending that they weren't clueless...which is so much less helpful than saying you have no idea. Maybe I've just had a lot of experience at saying I have no idea!

Um...CheerBear...today is Friday and the world gets back to normal on Tuesday. Last night there were five sleeps to go. Now if you hold up five fingers and then put one down, how many fingers are you holding up? I accept though that you are thinking in days whereas I think in sleeps, so perhaps you mean there are three full days between now and Tuesday.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

😂 I properly laughed out loud a lot at that. That seriously took me a lot to get to 3 and I wasn't confident when I posted. I think in the back of my mind I had you saying 5 yesterday which at the time seemed a bit ummm but I trust you with this one more than me. Yet I still posted 3. Add in that yesterday I think I thought it was Friday and today I thought it was Thursday, and really I have no idea 😆 It's less time than it was at the start of the week though!

I totally prefer "I have no idea"! One day the world will change.

I'm heading off to watch the emoji movie apparently. I am kind of looking forward to it even though it seems there is no reason to be according to the rest of the world.

Night @Phoenix_Rising ☺ And goodnight to @Former-Member, @Maggie, @Teej, @Mazarita, @Former-Member and all.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest


@CheerBear wrote:
😂 It's less time than it was at the start of the week though!



@CheerBear ROFL. I have a super funny picture in my head of you as a little carebear at school.

Teacher: If on Tuesday there were 7 sleeps until the world gets back to normal, how many sleeps is it on Friday until the world gets back to normal?

CheerBear: Um...on Friday it's less sleeps than it was on Tuesday.

I superly duperly like having a melted snow-flakey banana-headed carebear for a not-friend.

Good night CheerBear.

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