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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
Hey @Pepsimax🙂 I have my MH worker coming over and then some stuff with the kids this afternoon and evening. Should be fun 🙂
Hope you're appointment goes well today and your day is a good one 💗
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Hello nest.
** Edited to summarise and clarify: I am not okay, but I am safe enough and I am not in crisis.
I hope today is kind to all. 🌷
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi nesters...... I'm totally amped up right now. I only got around 3 hours sleep last night and if it's an isolated incident, like I only lose sleep for one or two nights I get really hyper. Like really really hyper. Does this happen to anyone else? la la la la la la la la la la Gosh, it's too hot to be this hyper. How is everyone else in the nest?
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Former-Member - I am so so SO glad to see you. I have been sitting on my "annoy bookish by tagging to ask how you're going" hands for days, hoping you would pop up.
I'm not going to write a big reply because I don't have the words but I wanted you to know that I am feeling with you and thinking of you, wishing heaps that I could give you a practical moving hand, even though you are capable of (almost) all of it. We all deserve a helping hand sometimes. And I wish I could stand beside you to send giant angry grrrrs at helping people like GP's not being helpful and at last minute postponing of support when someone is so lacking support, doing it hard, at a big time tough time of the year.
I have lots of ugly big words in my head about housing buses, and the particular pain of them hitting during this time when the world goes a bit wonky as it is. So much ugh bookish 😞 I'm so sorry things are so hard. I wish you could put us down as references because we know that you are absolutely totally not a crap human being. You are so much good enough, definitely lovable, definitely worthy and definitely important. And you very much do not deserve judgment or extra hard. I'm so sorry that the message you get is so different to that.
(So much for lack of words. I missed the condensability gene too, which I think you know me well enough to know by now)
I hope venting has let a teeny bit of the build up out. Please keep venting if it helps.
With you bookish 🌹
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @Former-Member🙂
My brain can do all sorts of funny things with little sleep. It seems a bit chicken and egg for me though. Like do I not sleep because I am all tizzy or do I get a bit tizzed out because I haven't slept? Or do they feed into each other (which is what I think happens for me)?
Do you have something to focus that hyper on?
I've been moving furniture today and playing with a big group of hyped up kids. It was fun (tiring but fun). I have to do some annoying practical house stuff this afternoon though and don't feel like doing it.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Good call @CheerBear, I should try and focus my energy. Right now I'm posting too much on facebook, but I should go clean my room and both the inside and outside of my car.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hyper and tizzy can be really productive I think @Former-Member. Our house tends to be the most clean when my head goes a little pop (which is usually just before it goes bang and I then I feel flattened). I'm going to hope you have passed on some of that energy to me through the nest so I can do my washing.
Hope you're ok and you find a way to work with it that's helpful for you ☺
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thank you for getting it, @CheerBear.🌷💚
Also, as my post apparently makes it sound like I am in crisis, I want to assure everyone that I am not in crisis. If I were in crisis, I would not be posting online. If I were not safe enough, I would not be posting online. I’m sorry that my everyday world sounds like crisis. I didn't mean to upset anyone. 🙁
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
You haven't upset me at all @Former-Member. I know you post when you are safe enough to and I think, from what I know of you, you go offline and hide away when you need to do what you do to stay safe. I think you've said that before.
Noodle and I are doing that reach through the screen thing to you and Edie. Mouse is being Mouse and is the loveliest snob. She clearly doesn't feel the need to be with us all right now though.
I better get that washing done. If only thinking about it made it happen.
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