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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
*Zoe crosses the rainbow path and sneaks into the nest to leave some special presents for CB for organising with F&H such a lovely low-key party thread - full of beautiful images and words for her today - then quietly sneaks back out and runs across the rainbow path to her safe place in TOR*
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Awww @Zoe7 thank you so much. How giving are you even giving on your birthday?! 😊 Thanks for trusting me with the boss glasses too 😉
While I am here I'm going to wave to @Former-Member and say hi and miss you but know you're doing what is right for you right now 🌸
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hiya @CheerBear and nesters. 👋
Thank you so much for all your kind words and warm thoughts lately. I have really appreciated them. I am still currently all over the place. Today was a good day though.....even if it did get to 38 degrees ☀️:face_with_rolling_eyes:.
I hope your housing thing is sorted and that you are feeling better. I so wish that box would be ticked for you and stay ticked. Here’s hoping LF and you have some nice relaxing no routine (yippee......although swings and roundabouts with no break) in the coming holidays. I did quite like holidays most of the time with mine and enjoyed the freedom of no routines. Life changes a little. The irony is now I’m not looking forward to not having routines as my groups stop until February. They have helped hugely get me out of my head more. I have a feeling I’m just raving now but wanted to drop in and say hi 👋
💜🤗💐
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @CheerBear, I thought today would be the day I’d be able to ease back into forum life, then I got squished by an unexpected housing bus (must be the season). 🙁 It potentially means moving next week (completely out of the blue, so completely unprepared) … I should know for sure tomorrow. I’m really hoping that’s not the case because it will mess up a whole load of other things and I really don’t need extra messed-up-ness. 🙁
By the way, you are awesome. 🦄 I hope your day had some good bits (lots even). 🌷
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi Teej and bookish. I've been tapping away at this and will hit post now before heading off to bed.
@Teej thanks so much for coming past and for your lovely words. Seeing you always makes me smile. The LF still have this week and next week at school and they are now all very much dragging their feet to get through. Finishing at the end of next week is too late. We are all looking forward to holidays and I will probably get a couple of nights off here and there during them which I am looking forward to just as much as having them home I think 😉 Hugs for the trickiness of no routine for you. There are definitely challenges to having parts of the world seem to stop or slow down at this time. So great to see you around
@Former-Member I got a huge pang in my chest reading that you were hit with a housing bus and in such a big way that you may need to move next week. Will you have somewhere to go if you do need to move? Far out that is a mega big oh 😞 I hope you find tomorrow brings the answer you want it to and I will be thinking of you waiting to hear if you share. There are buckets here if you want to get it out, and a forum life that can be eased back into at any pace. Thank you also for coming past, especially as I am thinking it is not an easy time at all right now. I spent a lot of my day outside under a lemon tree and it felt really good thanks. I hope there is something that feels ok/good for you soon.
Hope the night has at least some peaceful moments in it for you both.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Oh crap @Former-Member ..... ❣️
I hope they give you the right answer tomorrow re the house ..... 😔
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks, @CheerBear and @Faith-and-Hope. Hopefully it's a false alarm, however there was nothing false about the panic attacks triggered by said bus or the ensuing anxiety. 🙁 I’m trying to be ‘glass half full’ about it, whichever way it goes (which I am so not good at). I won’t be homeless, but it means life could be extra super tricky and messy suddenly, which is so not ideal. I really don’t like surprises. 🙁
Goodnight nest. I hope you all get some rest. 🌷
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Morning in the nest. I slept a bit better this morning. I woke up at now usual ridiculous o'clock but managed to stay in bed half sleeping until 5 something, which is much better than two or three something. I have an appointment tomorrow with my GP and am really looking forward to seeing if there's anything else I can do about this sleep thing.
@Former-Member I have everything crossed that this was a false alarm and that today that bus will head straight back to where it belongs (very far away). I can really relate to the nothing false about the feelings that alarms causes thing. As I am thinking you would have picked up on, I have a faulty "alert panic run escape danger alarm" and there is no difference in terms of the toll it takes between when it goes off for a real or perceived threat. Hearing you. Not being homeless is a huge positive however I also know from experience that there is so much more to being ok when it comes to somewhere to live, than having a roof over you. No-one needs extra super tricky suddenly to happen and I hope that is not what happens for you today.
I'm off on our last adventure for the year with a group of big and tiny fish. Today we're taking a really big group out and it's supposed to be pretty hot so it isn't really ideal. But it will be good for me and mine to do.
Hope there's good in the day for anyone reading.
☺
In response to: I'm in a nest
ohanaisSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
hey @CheerBear - I love how Christmas-y your avatar is ! I hope you are having a good day.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hey @ohanais. It's great to see you 🙂 I'm having a day mixed with lots of good and lots of not good but am working through it and will probably vent a bit of it later. I hope your day is going ok for you 🙂
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