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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yay for furry LF (and not-furry ones too, of course). 💚 Thank you for the mind photo, @CheerBear. I super appreciate it. 💚 And thank you for being you and for being here. 🌷🦄

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Sending thoughts to you. Locked in the darkness in my world so have few words.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm sorry to hear you're world is dark at the moment @Maggie 🙁 💗

@Former-Member I hope your furry little fish kept you company today 🐱🐠🐟🐡

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @CheerBear. Could you feel me in your pocket all weekend? I was right there - just like I always am...even when I'm not.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear My inside is telling me that you might be having a tricky day. That's all.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear & @Former-Member, I am thinking about you right now. That's all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi in the nest,

Thank you for popping past today @Phoenix_Rising and for the pocket company over the weekend. I did very much feel you here even while you were not.

I have been doing a bit of that focus on one thing and one thing only thing today. I dealt with the lease today and signed it in a way that reflects what is true and correct, rather than what seemed to be a bit dodgy and not ok. When I woke up this morning I had a non-legally binding contract for here and only a few days until this one expires which was hard to sit with for the last couple of days. That part of the housing mess is fixed now which is great. While this process hasn't been the end of me, it definitely hasn't made me feel any stronger right now as I believe you can understand. A house is important though and this is stability and security. Today has been shaky and tricky but I got what I needed done and in the way I wanted, and I am proud of that.

I hope your day has been ok. I haven't been here at all today (though as you know I am here even when you can't see me) but I plan to go for a wander around the forum a little later once my head has settled from pushing through, and catch up. I did want to come past and say hi while I had a moment though 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I am superly duperly glad to see you (even though I knew you were here even when you weren't). Yay for a legally binding accurate signed lease. I hate that you had to deal with such a big housing-related bus, it is so very very not ok. I'm super glad that you are feeling proud of yourself though and hopefully you will sleep peacefully tonight.

I have managed to get the next bit of the DBT adventure written, but I haven't posted it yet because I am interested in hearing more about the "just do it" idea. I will post the next installment tomorrow morning.

I SUPER love the pictures of the pocket crew! Now...where should we be? In your pocket or in your handbag? Would you like to choose where you would like us to be for our first picture? It would be cool to get a photo of your handbag, but I'm not sure if you would want to post a photo of it. Otherwise, maybe you could see if you can find a suitable bag or pocket on google for us to be in - only if you feel so inspired.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Phoenix_Rising. What happened was not ok and I really appreciate that you can see it too.

Yay to you on getting the next post ready - I am looking forward to it. I was going to post a reply about the just doing it thing, but my brain needs settle time tonight. Seeing as I tend to be up at, well, yeah, then, I may get to sneak it in in the morning still.

So re the handbag - this is as close to mine without being mine so I think it is ok to share here. It's perfect for pocket crew safe keeping as it has an amazing outside protection layer!

But I can't imagine the pocket crew would look too comfy dangling off that one so I also found this

Not sure if that could work?

While I am posting photos and there's a cheery Christmas conversation happening over that way ⬆️, remember a while ago we were talking about changing avatars and you asked me not to change mine? Do you think because it's Christmas and it will be only different for 2 weeks this one could be an ok exception to that?

It's pretty much how I spend December 😉

Also while I am posting random bits of thinking, Puffer Fish has started something that makes me think of you. It's "I'm not being offensive but..." It's awesome (and kind of funny) and I love that I know exactly where I stand with them. We were looking at baby photos of mine tonight for a thing I am doing and out came "I'm not being offensive but you don't look cute anymore" haha. I'm thinking it must have come up at school because it's not something we've chatted about. I got a giggle and wanted to share that one.

I went for a wander but the ocean was quiet. When is TTT meet again (if you can/feel like sharing)?

I really do hope your week has gotten off to a good start.

Thank you so much for being such a great not-friend.

🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I can't see the picture of your proposed avatar yet, but I SUPPOSE it will be ok for two weeks...you definitely get points for asking first. You're the best not-friend EVER!

I'm also awaiting the picture of the second bag. Ideally it needs to be open so that we can be sticking out from inside. Does your real bag really have outer protection like the one in the picture? That sounds like a super safe bag to travel in.

I super love Puffer Fish's new line. I'm going to try that one: "I'm not being offensive but you really are a melted snowflakey banana head." Yay, thanks for teaching me such cool social skills CheerBear.

Today happens to be the eve of the eve of seeing-TTT eve!!!! I am actually quite excited about this. I have a very good feeling about TTT.

I super hope you feel less squished after a good night's sleep tonight, CheerBear. I have been getting up at 4-something lately. My sleep has definitely become a lot worse in recent months. Oh well. Hopefully it will settle if I can connect with TTT and get some stability in my world. Stability is super important - methinks you might understand that!

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