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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member I'm also trying to get NDIS, unsuccessful so far. At the point of doing an AAT appeal with a disability advocate, my sister in law acting as my carer, and an application in for legal aid. We are facing a case conference with NDIS and AAT in mid December. To get to this stage has taken since February. If you want to talk about it more there is a thread 'anyone started with the NDIS?' which I started some months ago.

There's a whole language they use to get used to.

I understand entirely the frustration and anxiety after an access request is lodged. Of particular importance is having your therapists state that 'psychosocial' disability is lifee-long and significant. Tag me on that thread if you want to talk more about it.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's the afternoon now @Phoenix_Rising. I really hope your afternoon is a good one with good news 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Me too ..... ❣️

And I hope you have picked up a bit @CheerBear ...... duck ....... ♥️💕♥️💕♥️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Never going to duck from a bit of F&H ❤💕 ta!

Wearing my 3pm make myself to pick up a bit hat now. Today has sucked massively. I'm going to try again tomorrow though 🙂

Hope you're ok enough @Faith-and-Hope 💗. You too @Former-Member. Here listening even when you're quiet 🦄

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I'm so sorry to hear that today has sucked so much. I know you know I am sitting here waiting to listen if it is something you want to and can share.

It must be a day for suckiness. So...as I said this morning, my turtle whisperer was scheduled to speak with TTT yesterday. Um...yeah...it turns out they had some sort of a phone issue and by the time they sorted in out TTT had to go because she had a client. My brain is so fried and my world is so muddled, I just laughed when my turtle whisperer told me. This is so characteristic of my world - things never ever go according to plan. Anyway, they have rescheduled for Friday, so I guess I will hear about it when I see my turtle whisperer next Tuesday. Seriously, this has been going on for WEEKS, and we aren't even at first base. I think it is highly improbable now that I will get to meet TTT before Christmas, even if she is a good match.

Am I EVER going to escape all this waiting and staying and find the bright places where boom bands are playing???

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh so much ugh @Phoenix_Rising 😞 Stuff rarely seems to go to plan for me too, and sometimes my brain goes bang so big time that I laugh about it also. Even though it is not funny and it sucks.

This really does feel like it has been going on for ages and that sucks too. Waiting is so hard and you're being so patient. Does Tuesday feel like forever away for you? Even through you know it isn't? That's what happens to me when I am waiting 😞 .

Wish I knew the answer (for us both/all). Sitting in the sucky stuck, muddy muddle with you while you wait though (secretly wishing I could march in there and actually do something, like pick up TTT's phone and dial TW. It's a phone call. How hard does that have to be???! :S).

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello to all in the nest.

@CheerBear and @Phoenix_Rising, I have no words just super gigantic sad feelings for all of us. Everything feels so big and so dark and so not okay. 🙁


P.S. Thank you, @eth.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member. No words is how it is sometimes. It is really good to see you though. You have been on my mind today too and I am with you there/here with the above also.

😞

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear @Former-Member I think I am going to curl up on my pause button and listen to some of our stories. I super like that we found that tool for our toolkits. 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think that's a super idea @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 I have been reading today also. A story (dissertation) about internalised oppression and subordination, as I try to make sense of things. I might need to read some Crayons to counter the brain and heart hurt 😉
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