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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear .... ♥️

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Psssst...hey, @TheVorticon, I wanted to just check in and see how you are because I haven't seen you around so much in Forum Land lately. I noticed that you requested another thread not get bumped and I wasn't quite sure if that meant you didn't want any further responses on that thread, so I'm whispering to you here in the nest.

Um...now I can't think of what to say. I really did just want to ask how you are going...so...how are you going? And it's a bazillion percent ok to totally ignore this post if you want to.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sleep well @CheerBear 💜

☕ For the morning

Nighty night everyone 😴❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest

Last night sucked massively. So glad nights are not forever and days come with fresh starts ☺
Thank you for the coffees @Faith-and-Hope and @Former-Member. So needed and great this morning. I'll leave these here for anyone who would like one
@Former-Member thinking of you and hoping the day starts ok enough for you. Listening too if you'd like to share and hoping forumland feels a bit better soon 🌸
I face palmed myself when I read the not bumping thing on the other thread @TheVorticon. I mustn't have seen that when I bumped it. Big sorry. Hope you're doing ok too
@frog hoping you slept well last night. That feeling of everything slipping out from under you sounds hard. Retreating can be very helpful, but so can fighting retreat and trying to connect too sometimes. It's great to see you 🐸
Hi to anyone else reading 😊 Hope the day has good in it for all.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

This is a quiet one to @Teej who I hear isn't having the best time. I hope it's ok to share this with you. No need to reply.

I've been collecting plants and flowers for a while, often when things go a bit (or a lot) wonky here in my not-forum life. Yesterday I decided to add another to the collection in memory of the person I said a goodbye to. After my goodbye I was putting it in a basket to hang under the apricot tree I plan on making jam with. We have a few baskets under it, as well as some yarn bombing by LF (I love this tree). Anyway, while I was planting it I was in a bit of a 'state' and part of that included thinking things like "connecting with people hurts too much and I never want to do it again - break all connections immediately" (it was a bit of a snowflake 'moment'). I was thinking of the forum and who I would miss if I wasn't here (so many). Just as I was thinking that, this happened on my new basket of three coloured lobelia flowers.
I don't know if you remember the Teej and the butterfly moment on the purple flower that is now in plant hospital and still fighting. It was cool and helped snap me out of my moment. It's not the best photo as it was a very fleeting moment, but I will post it anyway to say that I am thinking of you 💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest,

Super big thank you for returning my turtle this morning @CheerBear. I'm super impressed that you got him washed and dried so quickly. He doesn't have a bath super often because he takes quite a while to dry around here.

I am superly duperly glad that you chose to do opposite action and sneak back here into your nest yesterday when everything inside you was screaming to cut all human connections. It really is annoying that we are biologically hardwired to need other human beings isn't it! I know today is probably going to be only slightly-less painful than yesterday. And then tomorrow will be slightly-less-painful again. And then at random points down the track, when you think the pain is easing, something will happen and the pain will pour back in again. And that will be ok. That is the nature of grief. It is normal and healthy, and I will sit with you through it.

@Former-Member I hope today is feeling a tiny bit less icky than yesterday.

@Teej I was sad to read your post on the ocean, and to know that you have been feeling the muddledness of the muddle too. It very much made me wonder how many others have been sitting with this muddle over the past couple of months. Even though the past week has been truly horrendous, I am hopeful that out of this muddle, something very good will grow.

I am now about to venture out of my house for the always-challenging let's-get-a-haircut adventure. Actually, my awesome hairdresser makes this adventure far less scary than it has ever been with any previous hairdresser. She respects that I don't do change and she respects that I don't have a pressing need to tell her about my life. Yay for respectful hairdressers!!!

I hope everyone is able to find something good in their day today.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I love the gorgeous tea cups and beautiful flowers @CheerBear 💜💕
Thankyou.

Really tired from sleep meds and lots to do, "big day"

Hoping your day is brighter today. 💛🌻🌞



Hi everyone 💟💗💜💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hoping the purples in this will compliment the red in D’s dress @Former-Member ....

.... from one of her forum “aunties”..... lol ....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member. Teacups are great 🙂 Hoping that your big day feels good. I have been thinking of you and D and the big days you might have at the moment. Big days can be great but can be tiring, especially when sleep is as tricky as I understand it is for you. 🐝🐞🐛�

@Phoenix_Risingit is so annoying that we are a social species yet being social is behind so much chaos, so we seek social support to work through the chaos which in turn runs the risk that it will add to it :S Yay for supportive social support when it is found. And big yay for brains that know how to survive what sometimes feels not-survivable. Like grief. Thank you for your understanding of it Phoenix_Rising, and for sitting with me through it. I am so glad there is a nest in a forum full of awesomeness that makes it much easier to practice opposite action 🙂 Hope the hair cut adventure has been ok. Your hairdresser sounds like a great match for you.

I have just come back from a challenging but important outing with way, way more fish than my tired sore head felt up to today so now I will spend the day doing whatever the heck I want that feels good 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou @Faith-and-Hope 💜💟
Beautiful flowers.
I'm so emotional

Thankyou @CheerBear 💜💕
Can't believe it's today.
They had to go to school this morning
What the heck. So many things to do and they want them at school.


Just sewed my dress up 😮
No time to nap
Sewed D up other day.
I have two dress choices 😂
Not sure i can wear heels. My toe still hasn't healed 😨 bought flat shoes in case. Not the same though . I'm too short for flats
You should see one of my dresses.
D talked me into it. It's bright and bold.

Better get stuff done
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