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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I am so wiped, @Phoenix_Rising and I am struggling with some very big, very dark feelings. 🙁 Thanks for checking in with me. I saw @Faith-and-Hope’s new thread (thanks Faith-and-Hope) and I am pleased to hear that some helpful things have started to happen, too. 🌷🐢

I am having really big feelings around unhelpful helping and outright non-helping (mostly in the really real world but carrying over to here, too) but I don’t feel like I can talk about them.

I hope that this part of the muddle will become more unmuddled for you in the coming days/weeks. (I want to say more but it feeds into the stuff above and it feels unsafe to talk about.)


@CheerBear I hope you are doing as okayish as you can be, but appreciate that that is probably not very okayish at all. 🙁 I’m thinking of you with my broken brain and hurty heart. 🌷🦄

@Maggie, @Zoe7 and all others in the nest, I hope the day has been kinder (kind-ish?) to you. 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💐💕 @Former-Member ....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you heaps to all for stopping past today, and for your incredibly kind words and pictures (and the funny laugh-cry one).

Today has truly been one of the most heart pain ones for a long time. I'm seriously hurting and big time struggling tonight. I'm feeling so lost and very, very alone. So alone. My heart feels broken in a way that is way more to do with everyone and everything else I have lost, aside from my person today (which would have been enough anyway). To have seen the support here today has helped take some of that alone away.

I don't know what to do now or where to go to from here. I will work it out, but it is suffocatingly painful tonight. Everything inside me was screaming to not come back here ever again and I spent quite a bit of time feeling mad at myself for feeling close to people because it has been so soooooo painful to lose people that I don't want to do it anymore. Life would be so much easier if I could do it without an annoying need for human contact and connection. Thank you for making it almost impossible to disconnect from the world @Faith-and-Hope, @Teej (I have a ridiculously cool story and photo for you another time), @Maggie, @Former-Member (🌸🌷💚 for the wiped out - I am too. We can be wiped out together if you'd like), @Sans911, @Former-Member, @outlander, @Phoenix_Rising (and I big time laugh cried, thank you). Really big time thank you for being here today.

I am missing everyone and everything so so much at the moment 🙁

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💜💗💟💚💛💙❤💕 😙

🌷🌺🌹🌼🌸🌻🌷🌺🌹🌼🌸🌻

@CheerBear ☕🍰

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have been very quiet lately but I just wanted to say @CheerBear @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising I am thinking of you. I feel like everything's slipping from under me these days so I retreat and go quiet. I'm just going to curl up and send restful vibes to everyone in the nest.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - lots of these 💗💗💗 for you. And one of these waiting for when we can catch up in real time ☕ It's gotta get a bit less full on soon, surely?! Bugs for you and D.

Love the twinkly @outlander, thanks 😊

I'm curling up in bed at the moment, thinking I'll be up ridiculously early if I go to sleep now but I'm too tired to do anything else @frog. Sending you restful vibes for your curling up also. Sorry things sound tricky at the moment for you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

You can borrow my turtle to cuddle tonight:

And you, turtle and I will sit together in your grief.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Big tears again, giant ones. Better out than in yeah?
Thank you @Phoenix_Rising.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yep @CheerBear definitely better out than in. Super big snotty nose and streaming eyes crying is extremely healthy you know {Makes mental note to wash turtle upon his return}.

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