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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

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In response to: I'm in a nest

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♥️ @Teej .....

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@CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So many tears for you, @CheerBear. 💚 My heart hurts so much after reading that, but I am so glad you shared so we can ‘get it’ even more. I don’t have functional words right now but I wanted you to know that I hear you and I am here. 🦄🌷

@Maggie, thank you for your warm thoughts, they are worth so much to me and I appreciate them more than I can say. I'm sending some your way, too. 🌷

@Phoenix_Rising, I have read a lot of the overnight ocean happenings but haven’t caught up on this morning’s yet. I hope helpful things are happening and I will visit when my brain remembers how to use words properly and I sort out some of these super big feelings. 🌷🐢

For now, my melted brain is just thinking of you all and my heart is super-hurting. 🙁

Hello to everyone else in the nest, too. 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

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@CheerBear I have caught bits and pieces of your story in the last few months, but I was able to understand a lot more yesterday, although what you've been through made me break down in tears, because it seems like you've been through some incredibly challenging, scary and traumatic times. That's heavy. But you had good support at times to help you navigate those choppy waters. Saying goodbye to those people who have been down there in the pits with you is hard, really hard (here comes more tears for both of us). But you are extraordinary as you have survived thus far. You have incredible fortitude and courage. Do I'm cheering for my favourite @CheerBear.

@Phoenix_Rising - sorry I didn't see you were riding difficult waves last night. I would have swung by. But you are stronger than you know. I hope as the days pass you by those waves get smaller.

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I am walking along with you in awe @CheerBear ..... have had moments in recent years where I didn’t know how our situ was gonna go .... and where and how we would manage to move forward. Take my hat off to you.

♥️

In response to: I'm in a nest

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My thoughts are with you today @CheerBear Thank you for sharing that with forum land

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Walking with you @CheerBear 💚💜💛💙

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@CheerBear, I see everyone is bringing gifts of flowers. Hmmm...I just gave @Sans911 a gift to take with her to hospital. I think I will give you the same gift. The aim of this gift is to create a tinsy tiny moment of laugh-crying on this ultra tough, ultra sucky day. Here's hoping it works... {shuts eyes, wishes super hard and presses post}.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

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Hi @Former-Member, Just sneaking in to see how your day is going. I haven't forgotten our conversation from the mindfulness thread - just struggling with a wonky brain right now, as I think perhaps you are too?

Yes, helpful things have started to happen. If you ever wondered what changing the world looks like @Former-Member, sometimes it looks like the super gigantic muddle that is playing out in Forum Land right now. Changing the world is HARD - but so worth it if the world gets changed in positive ways.

The super awesome @Faith-and-Hope (who I definitely plan to be like when I grow up) started this thread to begin unmuddling the muddle. Forum Changes. It can take a little while to change the world, but this looks like as good as any place to start!

I feel utterly exhausted, but I'm hoping that perhaps tomorrow I will be ready to join the clean-up crew here in Forum Land. The next installment of the DBT thread is looking sort-of kind-of non-existent right now...and that's completely ok. We just had to do a slight diversion from mindfulness to distress tolerance. All is well - even when it isn't.

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