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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

I'm okay this morning. Sleeping better and in bed. Still woke up after about four hours, in the pre-light hours. Have been cruising along on the computer pretty happily since then.

I don't have plans for today. How about you and the LF?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So good to hear you're sleeping better @Mazarita. It really sounds like you were knocked about by this one. I LOVE your chair. I meant to mention it yesterday. It reminds me of some chairs I used to dream about owning when I was pregnant and walking around baby shops. They had beautiful "nursing" chairs with foot-stools. I don't think I would ever have left a chair like that if I had one

The LF and I are heading out this afternoon, so it's a quiet pancake morning here. They don't want to go to their Saturday adventure thing this term, which I am a bit sad about. I have a little time this weekend on my own too and will spend it in the garden I think. I'm trying to plan this vegetable garden which means lots of pinterest daydreaming The garden is one of my really greats about being here.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, how awesome that you will be spending time in the garden this weekend, your favourite part of your (kind of new) home (as in, it is going to be in your name now).

I laughed out loud when you loved my chair to the point of being unable to leave it! The only real problem with the chair is that when I recline it right back (and isn't that all the time), it sends me to sleep. I really have been sleeping in pretty good comfort through this period of illness, even though I was sleeping in a chair.

So I wonder what the fish will be getting up to on Saturdays, now that they won't be doing the adventure thing this term. I guess that means a busier caring time for you?

Whatever you get up to today, CB, I hope there are lots of lovely moments, preferably a stream of them.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm so happy to be able to keep this garden with me @Mazarita. I had ignored the vegetable garden as it hurt too much to think that I would be planting in it and caring for it, only to leave it. Now I have it for a while I can do that. It's a great feeling.

I totally would fall asleep reclined in that chair too So great to hear you've been comfortable enough, even if it has been in a chair

Thank you Mazarita. I hope however your day plays it, it feels good for you too

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - I can't find where to find you and the check in thread is no longer. I've been thinking of you today, feeling sad imagining what you and D have been through the last couple of days. Hoping things are feeling ok, but not sure they are. Bug love to you ❤

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Some on Taking the plunge @CheerBear
Sorry I can't talk.
I'm sooooooooooooo tired beyond it.
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Haven't been able to say anything today

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's a thread I struggle to find for some reason @Former-Member, but I'll dig harder from now. You don't have to talk - I can imagine how tired and beyond it you are. Wanted to send my thoughts to you though. No need to reply anywhere unless you want to and can.

😢💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just wanted to say good luck on the adventure you're starting next week with that thing you signed up for at the same time as me @CheerBear. I couldn't commit to starting next week without knowing whether I'm going on a trip or not. I'm sorry that that means not doing it together.
Hope your day's been good.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @TheVorticon.

Thanks for letting me know and for the good luck 🙂 It would have been pretty cool to go on an adventure with you but not too, but it's totally ok to not and I completely understand. A great thing is that I think you'll be able to start it again anytime if you do decide it's right for you right then. Plus you know a guinea pig now too 😉 (as in you're very welcome to ask me any questions about it if you'd like)

I still think it's awesome that you gave it a go!

Hope your weekend is going well 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest

Big stress this morning as I have to work out the bond for the house today. On Friday my CM called me and said that there's an application form/letter I need both myself and the real estate to fill in, and then take to a DHS office to apply for a loan for the bond, which I need to have approved and as a cheque by Friday to sign the lease.
To get to the point where I could do something about it, what was supposed to happen was my CM was going to call the missing housing organisation who was to do their part and then call the real estate to do their part, who then would send it back to the missing housing organisation, who would pass it to my CM who then was to send it to me so I could do my part, all in the one afternoon. What could possibly have gone wrong there 😒 ? (This is the same chain of command that I have been dealing with for nearly a year now that has never worked well). Of course none of that happened, and I was left with a message which came through not long before close of business Friday, that effectively said that none of it happened and to just figure it out myself on Monday. As it was the weekend I had to put it in a box to worry about today. My brain must have decided that 3 something this morning was the time to open that box as I woke up with a jolt and a burning need to organise and tidy the house. Thankfully, I was able to calm down and sleep some more.
My CM is not in today, my MH worker is on leave, and no-one is in tomorrow which really does make me totally on my own to figure this out today. If I don't, the loan won't go through in time to sign the lease on Friday. Apparently the application needs documents that the missing housing organisation and my CM were going to send to the office place, which I now have to trust has happened (I have no trust in them).
Somewhere between all of that this morning, I have to have a blood test as one I had last week showed a particular white cell count is raised which would usually indicate an infection but I have no symptoms. It may also indicate stress which I am tipping it might and I am thinking may be because of stuff like this. It's kind of funny.
I don't know if it is just me, or if it is my head under pressure and beaten up by too much of this for too long, but I really struggle to do these things now. I hear words like "It's easy, you just need to ..." and I feel so frustrated because it is not even close to being easy for me which makes me wonder what is wrong with me. I'm pretty much relying on crossed fingers today.
I think I needed to vent and that to try and work it out before starting my day.
Hope the morning is ok for all, and the weekend has been kind to anyone reading.
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