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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So .... home is where the apricot is @CheerBear ....?

Well done you ..... 🤗💕

I hope it’s a summer full of wonderful new memories for all of you ..... with apricots and sunshine .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Phoenix_Rising, @Appleblossom, @Maggie, @Teej and @Faith-and-Hope. I'm kind of loving the idea that when life gives me lemons, I will make apricot jam 😆

I so much appreciate all of your words and your presence, thank you!

It's incredible how quickly things have happened in less than 5 working hours. I have an appointment to get the bond sorted out on Monday, I sign the lease on Friday next week, and the following Monday I have a case closure meeting with one of the organisations (I agreed to that - go me haha!). I didn't hear about the money thing from the missing housing organisation, which I think means they're planning on cutting their losses and running fast. Maybe being a fiesty snowflake has paid off after all 😉

It's going to be a really good week ☺

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

When I have made apricot jam, the recipe has called for a squeeze of lemon ...... jus' sayin' ......

Looks like you have got lots of jam to make @CheerBear ......:

♥️

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Faith-and-Hope Lol!!!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yeah ..... and I've got a bl%dy lot of jam to make too ......
🍊🍊🍊🍊🍊🍋🍊🍊🍊🍊🍊🍋🍊🍊🍊🍊🍊🍋

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I don't know a lot of your background story, only bits and pieces here & there. I do know you've been through some incredible challenging times fighting for your needs and not having them met. It sounds like you have to an ok compromise for the time being, so you can a breather at least for a while and concentrate on you and your family. Wishing you all the best.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just tried to take a photo of the amazing apricot tree to show you @Faith-and-Hope, but there's not much point because all the apricots are the same colour as the leaves and you can't see them anyway. The lemon tree is pretty awesome also. I've made marmalade before but not apricot jam but maybe I'll have to give it a go this season 😊 I tried to make lemon curd recently too, but that turned into lemon flavoured scrambled eggs which... yeah, nah 😝

@Sans911 - thank you. It's been 13 very challenging months now and saying goodbye at the case closure meeting, feels like it might be some closure (funny that 😉) finally. Breathers are good. I hope you're able to have one soon too 💗

I have had big little at home today. It's been a good day. Hope it's ok for you all too ☺

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, congratulations on the wisdom of your decision and the security this gives for now. Very practical perspective on rebuilding your rental history now in this place under your own name. I've lived in quite a number of far-less-than-ideal places in my life, at least one outright condemnable. Oddly enough, some of my cheeriest (if not most comfortable) times were in the condemnable place. As you and others have said, home is made by the heart, and you have a giant one. Big hugs and love to you and the LF.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Mazarita 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Glad to hear that you've found a way to feel a bit of security with the housing situation @CheerBear, even if it means making the best of a not very ideal set of options. Congratulations on getting accepted for the lease. I hope it gives you some breathing room.

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