FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

3,161 - 3,170 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising. Thanks for stopping past. I am glad you've woken up to a bit of a brighter day today. I wanted to say last night, how great I think your daydream was. I too really liked reading that this is not in a never ever box and I really liked reading the addition of social workers to your maybe one day practice 🙂 I think you'd run an amazingly trauma sensitive practice and I think that could change lots of people's worlds.

Today didn't really dawn much brighter for me but I accept that because I know some off days are ok and I know things can and do change. There are so many people I want to say hi to, check in on, read what's been happening etc. but I can't right now and that's probably one of the most frustrating bits. It's frustrating to know that I would be in a much better headspace if things just stopped knocking me down for a bit, and that many of my knock downs happen in ways they really shouldn't. At least when a yucky email and message came through this morning I wasn't hurt by them. I think my brain has switched off from feeling hurt today to give me a break for a bit. That's not the worst thing. (I also realised that my bladder is a great wake up call when I switch off after sitting in my car in lala land for I have no idea how long). Yay for bladders 😉

Anyway, I'm trying to be gentle on myself and trust that people here get it. What I can do at the moment is some DBT-ing which is what I plan on doing later too. I have lots of reasons to keep on keeping on, and one of those is that I promised myself I wouldn't stop until I've tried everything (which, let's face it, trying everything will take more than my natural time on this planet). I have not tried a 24 step DBT program yet. Another reason I have is that I really do want to change the world (which is written as "make a difference" in my goals as my MH worker's paperwork didn't like the term "change the world"). You wrote yesterday that we don't know how many people are reading along and that they might include people who aren't able to access helpful other things. Maybe there's a chance that it will make a difference to someone. Maybe we are making a difference together but not. Maybe the DBT thing is a bit of lots of things.

I think we have "Oh the places you'll go" (by Dr Seuss not Suess as my banana head wrote last night). We have so many books (it's always been one of my/our 'things') and they're everywhere. I'll ask them to check and I'll read it with puffer fish and a tiny turtle if we do. I really wish you and puffer fish could meet each other. Puffer fish has had a recent losing hats thing. I keep replacing them (does my head in) and today I found a couple stashed in the bottom of their bag. They've been finding the lost ones but rather than give them to me, they have been "saving them for your birthday to make you happy" (which is not exactly anytime soon). My LF are definitely a keep on keeping on reason.

I'm going to head off to do some non-virtual ocean/nest stuff too (after writing to TheVorticon about another adventure I've just signed up for). Adventures are another reason for me.

Happy Turtle Whisperer Tuesday Phoenix_Rising. I am really looking forward to reading your DBT doing bit whenever it happens 🙂

Hi also to @Former-Member, who I see has just popped up here also. I hope your day has some bright about it 🌸 (I love the unicorn addition next to the turtle 🙂 )

Hope the day is going ok for anyone reading 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💛💜💙💚 Wishing you better days soon

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Sans911. And big time same wishes for you also 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear💜💜💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Saving up all the found lost hats for your birthday. @CheerBear

Made me tingle all over with a smile. So cute. BUT FRUSTRATING on a practical level.

@Former-MemberPlease do not feel pathetic about relationship stuff.

I have found females to be more controlling and abusive than men to me. Though I have taken knocks from many people in different ways. I think that is underestimated in the DV field.

We all have different paths .. Some of the tough minded people need to find a heart and maybe the more tender minded needed to thicken their skins. All a learning process.

I too

Love having you around.

Hi @Maggie @Phoenix_Rising @Sans911

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi in the nest.

My fish are pretty smile worthy, though there are definitely frustrations Appleblossom 🙂

We didn't get the jungle yard house, as I found out in a really not ok way this afternoon. I quietly visited the nest in total meltdown mode, read my post from earlier (I must have sensed I would need to see those 'reasons' in my own words today 😉 ), and I exited the nest to call my MH worker. The not ok way also included a long passage of "this is what I/we can not do for you" all of which was news to me. So that sucked. And that's an understatement. It was a very, very hard afternoon.

My MH worker handled it with me (handled me in my amazingly melted state lol) incredibly well, which was the good for the afternoon. I'm so thankful I did not run on that support (as I said I was going to) after the triage referral 6 months ago.

I don't really have too much more to say about it now. I have a terrible headache, but I am feeling a lot more ok than I expected I would tonight.

I'm very disappointed. I so badly wanted (needed) the next housing news to be good, or at least not terrible.

Hope it's been an ok enough day for others.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I'm so very sorry for your news today. But I'm glad that felt supported and heard. Wrap yourself in tender care tonight. 💕💕💕💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Shaz51 seeing you fly around the forum makes me smile often, I am happy i put a smile on your face @CheerBear, I love your messages too

thank you @Phoenix_Rising , one step at a time here

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Dear @CheerBear, so sorry for the experiences of today. Sending hugs if you'd like them. Hope you are nesting well tonight at home. Wishing much better news coming your way soon.

Hi everyone in the nest, hope your evening is okay or even better.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I will definitely take those hugs tonight (though I'll take them any time really!) @Mazarita thank you, big
time 💗

It's getting soul crushing @Sans911 so wrapping in tender care (aka a pink fluffy blanket) is most definitely happening at the moment. It's like a soft warm fluffy soul protection shield 😉
3,161 - 3,170 of 5,090