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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I just wanted to respond quickly to your earlier post. You did what you needed to. Way to go you! Hoping something will turn up for you whether it's one of those houses or not. I truly believe you'll make whatever comes next a home too and that LFs will know it's home because it's got you all over it 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you, @Teej and @Maggie. It always helps to be reminded it isn’t just me. 🌷

@Teej, please only listen to the book if it feels right. I’d love for you to join the yet-to-be (but-will-be) -created conversation. 😊🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

And as much as @Teej believes that I scooped her up in my net, I had barely joined the forums myself, so it really was a mutual scooping ..... and while I haven’t needed the glue-gun for myself to date, there has been quite a lot of wringing out for me ......

@Mazarita and @eth held the door open for me too .... and @Appleblossom and @Shaz51 were part of that too ..... along with a coup,e of others local to C-forum and our illustrious mods .... and a very quick presence of EDV staff to make sure I was on my feet and accessing all the supports available to me ....

I am so grateful for all of that .... I really felt I had nowhere to go and everything in my life was compromised, including the welfare of my kidults.

Putting my life and struggles out here on the forums was huge for me .... and if I hadn’t hit the bottom of my barrel, perhaps I wouldn’t have ..... perhaps I would have just gathered up all the courage I had left, and left, firestorm or not .... but I had one more kidult to try to get a safety net of some sort under .... and I don’t give up on relationships easily ..... not till I can say that I have given it all I have got.

The biggest surprise for me was the hidden underbelly of all the pain and suffering here on the forums .... the golden treasure that is such a profound and self-less compassion I have not experienced anywhere else in such numbers. This is caring-and-sharing in action .... all day every day .... warts (bl%dy big ones) and all.

♥️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Adding to @Teej 's post to put my hand up and say that I too started off feeling afraid of starting new threads and had some trickiness finding my way around as well. The nest started at a complete crisis point of mine when I felt at a total loss as to how to keep on going. It was only a couple of days after my MH worker called triage and I felt very done and over. I think I'd arrived at a place where I didn't think anything could get much worse. I think it's been a lifesaver for me. Also like Teej, I am very grateful for people who were there when I first came along (which includesTeej) and who helped me navigate my way around so this place felt like home.

Would you like to start the bookclub Teej? You've created some special waves with this one 😊 I really don't mind starting it but wanted to ask other's first.

Thanks again Teej. Wherever we go will be home and I think deep down that's there also. I'll hit the ground running with at least the jungle garden house on Monday. That I am sure of ☺

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @Teej, @Maggie

to put my hand up and say that I too started off feeling afraid of starting new threads and had some trickiness finding my way around as well.

I joined in august 2015 when my husband was released from MI hospital , and I came on here and opened my first thread by asking a question , my first threads are still there but i have not written on them for a long time ( I now have lots of threads )

with the help from @Mazarita, @Jacques, @Appleblossom, @PeppiPatty, and others who had helped me along the way

I think it's been a lifesaver here for me. too as well as helping my husband , but for me , I have opened up about my own Life story of elipsely, depression , Rejection , being mentally abused when i was young by my father , I have had support here when mr shaz nearly went to the hospital again twice

and now I have wonderful , amazing friends i have made over the 2 years

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

There are a couple of Book Club threads already in existence ..... if you’re happy to take up one of those, then nobody is actually starting it ..... just contributing further.

Whaddayasay ?

@CheerBear @Former-Member @Maggie @Teej @Shaz51

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi and thanks to you @Faith-and-Hope and @Teej. Hope life is treating you well. I'm just back from a week with my kidults and grandaughter which I really enjoyed. Just dipping in to say hi to you both and everyone else here.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @eth .... 👋

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

hello @eth

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest 😊

I've woken up feeling good this morning. I'm happy that I did what I did yesterday and am now able to enjoy a day where I don't have anything too tricky to face. Bikes and lawn mower are on the cards today. Puffer fish is most looking forward to this with me ☺

@Former-Member I so much enjoyed reading your reply to the eleventy million dollar question. I love that you would take it to the police first. That thought didn't even enter my mind haha (but I have extreme anxiety about breaking rules even if I don't like them or agree with them, so I would do that too). A house, intensive therapy, and helping people and animals are really cool ways of putting it to use I think.

I was reading along with Topic Tuesday a few weeks ago when I read that you have quiet BPD. It's not something I had heard of before (which says a lot to me in itself). You've read the nest so I'm guessing you read a little about my experience there. I struggle with intense and extreme emotions and experiencing that in a quiet way, would feel/has felt suffocating to me. Getting to know you a little more has made me really stop and think about how many people there are who might also be in quiet struggle.

I have just skimmed through that Topic Tuesday again and am getting a better sense of things for you I think. In that you said you'd encourage people to ask you questions and with that plus what you've said in your last post, I think I 'get' it a bit more now. So,

Aside from the weather any other reasons for Tassie?

Over the years you've been living with what you have, what's been the most helpful things for you? What makes you feel good inside?

Are there any people in your life you'd consider 'your people'?

What's your favourite colour?

Again no need to reply to anything ever, or anytime soon if you don't want to/can't etc. I have heaps of patience (not really for lots of things but I do here haha) and am not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

I think all of our stories are interesting and deserve space and time to be heard, though I can see how much self-doubt and self-hate might get in the way of wanting to share them. You give me lots of warm fuzzies bookish and I (and can see lots of others) am enjoying getting to know you more and am interested in continuing to do so if you'd like to share.

Did you read about the buckets? You're very welcome to grab a bucket to vent in, and throw it off the nest balcony if you ever want to. It can feel so hard to open up and do that, but so worth it also.

I hope the day goes well for anyone reading 😊

Ps - I have seen a couple of bookclubs around and like the idea of joining in one there so no-one is 'starting' it but all are contributing to it. In saying that, I think there's a place for a Brene Brown specific area here, with all the talks and info out there (and the pretty pinterest quotes 😉) which make it accessible to many. If one hasn't appeared in the next little bit, I'll start it up.
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