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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
I just got back from seeing my psych. I am SUPER grateful I have her...even though she openly admits she doesn't know how to actually help me. @Former-Member mentioned the other day that A would help me learn new skills but the truth is that A, along with my eight failed therapists of last year recognises that the issue isn't a skills deficit. The issue is that my brain is fried such that ever-increasingly small events fry it further. That is why I am doing the neurofeedback in the first place - to try and unfry my brain. Now that that has all gone a*se up, I am back to feeling lost about the way forward...and A openly admits she doesn't know either. However, just having her there SUPER helps. Now I am snuggled under my weighted blanket in my bed with my turtle. So...it sounds like today is a day of nesting all round, and that's ok. 😊
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
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In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Super happy for you my not-friend @Phoenix_Rising.
I think sometimes one of the most helpful things helping people can be is honest. I'm glad A has been honest with you and I'm really happy that A recognises that it isn't a lack of skills, even if that leaves her feeling a bit lost.
Enjoy your snuggly warm cosy safe nest, where it's ok to be just being, like it seems we're all kind of doing today.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I'm going back to bed to snuggle now @CheerBear😊😴💟💕 Keep resting. Chat later. 😙🐻
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Former-Member - you've put a huge smile on my face with your loong, thoughtful and welcome reply! Thank you 🙂 Hope today is good for you Seuss
In response to: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Awwww, you made me smile, calling me your not-friend @CheerBear. Btw, I showed A the picture of the tiny turtle you made. I think it is super cool that you made that. I also think the term "catt scratch" is very clever. 😊
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I have crawled out from under the blankets and am having coffee to wake myself up properly now. I think I got stuck somewhere between awake and asleep, because I know I wasn't really sleeping but I wasn't wide awake. Having so much trouble getting good restful sleep but it's been nice to be quiet and still today at least. I'm going to ask the catts if someone there can prescribe something to help me sleep better but something that won't keep me knocked out cold like my prn stuff does. I have a sneaking suspicion they may say no to this one at the moment, but maybe I can ask for just a couple to see if it gets sleep back on track. They've gotta be good for something surely 😛
I got up with a really strange need for golden syrup dumplings and ice cream so I'm going to go the shop and plan to make some (from scratch - yay me!) tonight. Wish I could deliver them to anyone here who feels like warm fluffy sweet goodness in a bowl!
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Yum! Sounds delicious @CheerBear I'm the dsame with sleep. I've been trying not to take sleep meds every night. For a while it was ok, but too long on them is not good. Wish I could tell you the name of them. I've tried a few amd these are the only one's that suit. Not too drowsy in day I saw a different doc a while ago and he prescribed them. I have no idea why other doctors have never mentioned them.
What is a "not friend"? 😂 And what exactly dies CATT stand for?
Funny lot, we are. 😂 Snuggle day. Well, I'm up now too. Couldn't sleep. Restless last night, took sleep med 4am. Slept a little then. Ok better get late lunch early dindin. 😀👍💕
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Haha @Former-Member - I like that people here a group of funny lots 🙂
I need to balance any sleep meds so I am still able to keep an ear out for the little fish which is super hard to work out. Add a sensitivity to medication and it's almost impossible.
Catt is the crisis assessment and treatment team. They're the big ships in white who are called in when little boats start drowning. They say they're not called catt anymore because they had a bad reputation so they changed their name. But I'm still calling them catt because giving a cutsie name doesn't change who they are to me. They're driving me bananas but they're who I have to work with to get a break on my terms. And a not-friend is a term for someone who super likes you and you super like them, but someone who is not your friend because friends can hurt which makes being friends scary 🙂
Loved the snuggle day with you all 🙂
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I'm very sensitive to meds too @CheerBear Sleep meds temporarily and emergency anti anxiety meds only for me. Can't touch anti depressants.
Thanks for explaining CATT.
I like the idea of a not friend. Hmm! Very much 😀 I've moved on from all of mine. No understanding, too hurtful. Look forward to the day that I can start afresh and meet new "not friends" 😂
Sometimes I hate facebook, but I have it because it has good points. Lots wished me a happy birthday on there, but its all so fake. Most haven't bothered with me for ages. I can't be bothered making the effort anymore. It was definitely time to move on from them all. They're too busy to care. Example of my ex friendships is: I gave a nice card with $50 in it, so this person could buy something for herself. Hubby gave it from me, as I was unwell at the time. She never bothered to thank me, not even on Facebook 😮 I won't let that stop me from helping people, but situations like that are really hurtful.
Yes, the snuggle morning was nice. 😂👍💕 Just had very late lunch.
It's a public holiday here today. Not much open. Is it public holiday everywhere else?
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