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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear things sound pretty tough, and perhaps a little scary, but it sounds like you're one tough (maybe trembling a little) care bear, and you've thought about this day a lot.

I'll be thinking of you, sending you healing thoughts, and wishing that you are cared for by kind & compassionate people.

Hugs

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Beautiful @CheerBear ..... ❣️

And you gave me some lovely giggles in there with the way you wrote it ...... 😂

Soooo proud of you ...... so well done ♥️

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

❤❤ @CheerBear hope all is going ok 💜💜

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear 💞💞💞

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, just caught up with your news. Sending big waves of nurturance your way. You braved it, stood your ground (sometimes necessary because I know how doctors can sometimes forget it's OUR body), and have a livable option going forward. Sometimes that's the best we can do and acceptance can be powerful (though never absolute). Wow, so many surgeries you can't remember. Sounds like you have travelled a tough road with this health issue. Gentle hugs if you'd like them.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Well done for getting through the morning and for sticking up for your decision @CheerBear 🙂 It sounds like you did great!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBeargood job today and for making yourself number 1 and standing your ground. Super proud of you

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest ☺ I hope the morning starts off well for all. I slept well last night and feel great for it!

Thanks again for the messages and support yesterday. It hasn't been very often that I've walked out of a hospital appointment feeling like I did yesterday. It was a really powerful feeling, even if it took a little bit for some shakes to settle.

@Mazarita - I've caught a little of the physical health challenges you face and have read it with the eyes of someone who has had more than my fair share of hospital waiting rooms, yucky appointments, recovery times, invasive tests, horrible symptom questionnaires, conversations with Dr's who forget or don't realise the impact of this stuff on mental health etc. I can't remember exactly when (maybe after my last "I can't do this appointment") but I do remember you wrote about finding acceptance in needing to manage your physical health problems. It was one of those times when words really had an impact and it helped me find plan C. It's powerful to move away from what is clearly not working and causes more problems than it solves, to another option that wasn't available (in my head mostly). Thank you for a maybe not intended but definitely well recieved, dose of calm. And for the hugs which I love 😊

Cheers again. Hope the day goes well for everyone ☺ Today I have to clean for a house inspection tomorrow (it shouldn't be too bad as I did so much a week ago) but life here is a circus sometimes haha!

💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning, @CheerBear. So glad something I shared on the forum has helped you, whether intended or not. I always wish you well. Hope today is good for you and everyone in the nest.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon in the nest. I am rewarding myself for having cleaned up as much as is sensible to this afternoon, by finally posting the post I've been wanting to get to all day.
@Former-Member (to continue a conversation from over that way ➡ with no pressure to reply to anything, ever). I had planned on posting this post this morning but found myself managing a shoe lace issue (because just before school is a great time to be asking for new shoe laces that are a better colour/length/shape....). In my post I had written how I have no idea how it takes my kids nearly two hours to get ready in the morning. Then I got my answer :face_with_rolling_eyes:
I got enormous feels reading what you wrote last night. Part of that was in thinking about how much this place/space has meant to me. You mentioned you had spent time in the nest yesterday and that means you would have seen a sometimes pretty messy me. In being here and in having my vulnerable, imperfect, real self (in all its messy brainness) accepted, heard, seen, validated etc. by other vulnerable, imperfect, real selves., the result for me has been things like what happened yesterday (the care factor zero attitude that got me through). It's also that sense of belonging and connection that I talk about often, I guess because it has meant so much to me. It's goosebumpy for me to think about sometimes. Thinking of this while I am listening to Braving the Wilderness, is part of the fireworks.
Another part of the feels I had was in "seeing" "you" (I think both of those words need emphasis), and appreciating how risky it can feel to be authentic and vulnerable especially when maybe a go-to is to hide away a bit. What you wrote made me smile so much. Hiding away is good sometimes (probably necessary), but not hiding away can be great (life changing maybe). For what it's worth, I've spent lots of time quietly reading through stories here, similarly resiting the urge to like posts and not wanting to "out" myself haha. I'm glad you met the pocket gang 😊
I wanted to share this with you
I didn't know where to start with Brene's books either. I wanted to start in publication order too but the Gifts of Imperfection isn't narrated by her on Audible so I went with Braving the Wilderness and I am not regretting it. I wonder if Teej might be able to share her thoughts on this? Teej is the nudger/seed planter behind this one 😊
Almost time to get my fish in a moment and then do the afternoon thing. I'm really looking forward to heading over to the ocean to read through the conversation about DBT, hopefully later tonight. I totally respect that DBT might not be everyone's thing. It's not been my thing before, and I completely believe that not everything works for everyone and that what works well at some point may not work well always. I wouldn't say DBT is my "thing, thing" but it's definitely something I am gaining from at the moment, that has potential to become a thing, thing for me. I don't know too much about schema therapy but I do really enjoy "ah-hah" moments of all kinds!
Hope your day is good bookish. Your friend is lucky to have someone willing to step out of their comfort zone to support them. I hear it can be incredibly helpful 😉
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